After 52 blog posts, I’m having a “moment.” Until this morning, I have been overflowing with things to write about. When I pull out the laptop and sit down in a chair on the front porch, the words have just poured out of me. Well today, they are colliding. I can’t make sense of any of them. I can’t get past the first paragraph. I’ve been here before. I should know that this … [Read more...] about What do my days look like?
The more I learn about depression, the more I see how crafty and stealth it can be. It works just below the conscious level, moving things around at will, so in the end, it pushes you up against the wall. Well, at least that has been my experience. It sneaks around the edges of my life and then springs on me when everything seems to be going great. Depression is not … [Read more...] about Why do the good times always end?
It has been almost 50 years since that day. I rarely ever think about it now and it doesn’t haunt me every waking moment. But when my therapist started talking about self-esteem, this story popped into my head. When I think about not running the race, things get complicated. I remember the day clearly. I was in 9th grade and ran the ½ mile on the track team. We had a meet … [Read more...] about Why didn’t I run that race?
That’s how I am beginning to feel. As I get a better understanding of depression and my responsibilities for keeping it under control, I am slowing down. This is new to me. Being very competitive, I am always measuring things. How many steps to the top entrance to the building, how many tiles on the wall in the men’s room. How much are sales up year over year? So, hearing … [Read more...] about Hurry up and wait
Radical acceptance means looking at yourself and the situation and seeing it as it really is. My goal with acknowledging depression is to not let it boss me around anymore. I am working on learning coping skills and avoiding unhelpful thinking styles. In the past few weeks, I have had small challenges that depression has thrown my way. Depression is testing me to see if I am … [Read more...] about Am I ready to radically accept depression?