After 52 blog posts, I’m having a “moment.” Until this morning, I have been overflowing with things to write about. When I pull out the laptop and sit down in a chair on the front porch, the words have just poured out of me. Well today, they are colliding. I can’t make sense of any…
Tag: grief
Why do the good times always end?
The more I learn about depression, the more I see how crafty and stealth it can be. It works just below the conscious level, moving things around at will, so in the end, it pushes you up against the wall. Well, at least that has been my experience. It sneaks around the edges of my…
Why didn’t I run that race?
It has been almost 50 years since that day. I rarely ever think about it now and it doesn’t haunt me every waking moment. But when my therapist started talking about self-esteem, this story popped into my head. When I think about not running the race, things get complicated. I remember the day clearly. I…
Hurry up and wait
That’s how I am beginning to feel. As I get a better understanding of depression and my responsibilities for keeping it under control, I am slowing down. This is new to me. Being very competitive, I am always measuring things. How many steps to the top entrance to the building, how many tiles on the…
Am I ready to radically accept depression?
Radical acceptance means looking at yourself and the situation and seeing it as it really is. My goal with acknowledging depression is to not let it boss me around anymore. I am working on learning coping skills and avoiding unhelpful thinking styles. In the past few weeks, I have had small challenges that depression has…
Why am I still obsessing over this?
It’s done, I did not take the job. But I’m still rolling the decision over and over in my head. Am I sure I thought about it in the right way? Isn’t it possible it could have been good for me? Maybe it was running towards the future, not running away from the present. I…
Am I running away again if I take this job?
I said I would not take the job. Of course, that was before the interview. That was before I spent an hour answering questions from seven board members. That was before I realized how much fun I was having. When I left the interview, it seemed like they wanted me. But you never know about…
Am I going too fast?
Several people now have mentioned I should be slowing down. Is this what recovering from depression is about? Taking it easy? Making sure I have lots of self-care built into my day? Being aware of my automatic thoughts and slowing down my thinking so I do not make impulsive decisions? That seems like a lot…
You won’t believe where I have been
I took my time and read all 37 of my blog posts, back to day one when I came home from the hospital. What a journey already. I sound so bad, so sad, so out of it, on day one. And then I look at my recent writings and see how far I have come….
Depression is sneakier than I thought
With the benefit of almost 40 years of perspective, I can see the damage that depression has wreaked on my life and those I love. My question today is, why did it take so long for me to see it? I am smart, I am a thinker. I offer great solutions to problems and take…
