I have been afraid to write about this subject. While people who have suicidal ideation will get it, the vast majority of people do not understand this or are afraid to talk about it. For 43+ years, I was afraid of getting anywhere near the subject. It turns out, I have a major depressive disorder,…
Will I be Ready for My New Psychiatrist?
I promise to tell my new Doctor the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Going into my doctor’s office and putting on my concealed depression face results in me not getting the true help I need. Depression is once again getting me to be secretive. It reminds me that no one understands…
Super Saturday – Maybe I Did Need Some Time Off
I have gotten a myriad of things done today. It is day two of my mini-vacation and I am more relaxed than yesterday. In fact, yesterday I was scattered all over the place. Today, my list and my priorities are more aligned. Having purchased the tomato cages yesterday, putting them around the plants in the…
Super Focused, Then Super Distrac… Oh Look, a Squirrel
My mind is all over the place lately. Now I know there is a lot going on, but that is no excuse. OK, so a year ago I was in the hospital being treated for MDD, major depressive disorder. Then I came out of retirement and went back to work in management. Then, the pandemic…
Every Day I Push the Same Rock Up the Same Hill
Some days it is a pebble and the hill is hardly noticeable. Other days, it is a boulder and the hill is more of a mountain, that ascends almost vertically from the valley floor. During these days, my depression is everything. Concealing it and acting to the world like nothing is wrong takes all my…
I Found 7 Tips for Living with Depression
Depression is a serious mood disorder that affects millions of people in the U.S. every year — but an array of effective treatments and strategies are available. Annually, about 1 in 15 adults will live with depression or experience at least one major depressive episode. In 2017, an estimated 17.3 million adults “had at least one major…
I Did Not Kill A Painted Turtle Today – A Joyful Part II
As we were walking our dog recently, the subject of painted turtles came up. We talked about when they would be coming out of the water to lay their eggs in the lower part of our property. I have a small bag full of the leathery shells I have collected that the baby turtles leave…
Same Stuff, Just A Different Day
Why am I stuck in this loop of sameness? As I begin writing, I realize this is not the first time I have written about this. My mind has been stuck in a painful, unproductive loop before. And how to jump-start a new, more productive loop is where I am now. READ: Will everyday be…
I Do Not Give A Hoot Today
But I really want to care. Somehow, I need to jump-start my recovery again. All I seem to do is to be going sideways. I am not allowing myself to be honest about what is going on inside me. This puts me back to being “evergreen,” not letting my depression show. I do this at…
Why Am I Pulling Back into My Shell?
Just because you called me, I don’t have to pick up the phone. Or why do you assume I will open the letter, just because you thought it was important enough to send? I see the letter you sent me; it is on my desk where I keep all my new correspondence. But receiving it…
