The past week or so has been a series of crappy, frustrating events. Or that is how I took them. My positive attitude checked out and left my “woe is me” attitude to do all the work. This is never good. I gave away my control of situations and circumstances and allowed them to batter…
I almost “should” all over myself this morning.
I’m not sure if I mentioned I hit a deer with my truck a few weeks ago. I never found the deer. It was after 11:30 PM and the road was a dark, two lane affair through the country. I turned around twice and looked carefully on both sides of the road. Nothing. The next…
Today I wish I were sad
That would be a step up from where I am right now. The harder I work on my recovery, the further behind I feel. Now part of this may be the time of year. I know about S.A.D. and what happens when you do not get enough sunlight. This could certainly be a factor in…
Sometimes you must put on “Big Boy” Pants
There are other, more crude ways of expressing this. The point is there are times when you need to do the right thing. And doing the right thing may be uncomfortable, or even feel impossible. But it is still what needs to be done. Knowing that this is the thing to do doesn’t make doing…
Why am I feeling so guilty for setting boundaries?
In the end, that is the whole premise of self-care. To take care of yourself. To understand what you need and be able to ask for it. Getting it may be something different, but the asking is important. Wanting to better understand boundaries and self-care, of course, I Googled it. Here is the last part…
Our lives’ are all about making choices
Sometimes it’s as simple as what will I have for breakfast. Should I just have a bowl of cereal, maybe with banana slices on it? Or should I make eggs, possibly bacon, toast, and grits? What about skipping breakfast and just grabbing coffee? Each of these choices, small as they may be, come with consequences….
It’s all piling up, I’ve got to get a grip
Here are the clues I’m not on my game. I don’t sleep well. I am back to the waking every hour or so. When I work late and close the building, I am going to bed about 1 AM. I wake at 3, then 4, then 5:30, 6:30, AM or so, and I keep trying…
Have I reached a Plateau? Is it up or down from here?
30 weeks into my life with depression, I have plateaued. I have no clue as to what is next. It could be I am consolidating what I have learned, assessing what is working and then steeling myself for the next leg up. Or, I am nearer to the abyss than I have been in months,…
That didn’t last long, now I’m not getting out of bed
Searching the internet for a picture of “not getting out of bed,” I found that Dr. Seuss had written about this. So maybe it is a “thing.” Not Thing 1 or Thing 2, but a thing. It seems almost everyone has trouble at times wanting to get out of bed. With the warm covers drawn…
I didn’t think I would be digging an animal grave today
This isn’t the first animal I have buried. But it is the first since my acknowledgement of depression. This new perspective on life makes the process very personal. I feel so bad for my family. And having lived with the cat for several years, the sadness at our loss is overwhelming. Kidney failure is a…
