It is clear to those around me that something was on my mind. I’ve never been very good at hiding things, even though that was one of the main tasks that depression wanted me to focus on. Secrets were and are one of depression’s tools that kept me listening to it and it alone. I…
Category: Medication
“I know that’s going to leave a mark”
The last year of this decade was overly complicated, frightening and dramatic. It started off in January of 2019 with waking up not being able to breath. It wasn’t that there was no air, it was as if someone had taken the life-giving oxygen out of the air that I was breathing in. I would…
How could I miss a dose? – Doing the drugs Part III
I have gone through this before. In fact, that is why I got the seven-day pill caddy. On Saturday, after I take my Prozac, I fill the tray for the following week. In each section, I add two 20 Mg. Prozac pills, giving me a clear record for each day. When I first get up…
Today I wish I were sad
That would be a step up from where I am right now. The harder I work on my recovery, the further behind I feel. Now part of this may be the time of year. I know about S.A.D. and what happens when you do not get enough sunlight. This could certainly be a factor in…
Have I reached a Plateau? Is it up or down from here?
30 weeks into my life with depression, I have plateaued. I have no clue as to what is next. It could be I am consolidating what I have learned, assessing what is working and then steeling myself for the next leg up. Or, I am nearer to the abyss than I have been in months,…
That didn’t last long, now I’m not getting out of bed
Searching the internet for a picture of “not getting out of bed,” I found that Dr. Seuss had written about this. So maybe it is a “thing.” Not Thing 1 or Thing 2, but a thing. It seems almost everyone has trouble at times wanting to get out of bed. With the warm covers drawn…
I can’t believe I’m getting out of bed when the alarm clock rings
Ok, so I’m not jumping out of bed yet. But after the past six months of often resisting getting out from under the covers, this is real progress. I mean, “alert the media” kind of stuff. The crazy (can I use that word?) part about this is I did not know for a while that…
I bumped into my old self this morning
It was totally unexpected. I guess I had secretly hoped it would happen but was very guarded in my expectations. It has been five days since my Psychiatrist increased my Prozac from 20 mg to 40 mg daily. My instructions are to let him know in 3 weeks how I am feeling, sooner if there…
Doing the Drugs; Part II
Today my Psychiatrist upped my Prozac to 40mg daily. This is double the 20 mg I have been taking since the end of April. Thinking about how this came to be, I am sad, mad and glad that it happened. Taking medication, along with therapy seems like a straight-forward process. You see a doctor, get…
Feeling cloudy may only be seasonal allergies, not a relapse into depression
Boy do I feel silly. Two days ago, I woke up feeling cloudy. My head was not right. I was feeling unfocused and I just couldn’t get going. So, my mind jumps immediately to this must be the work of depression. Something must be going on. I must be relapsing. I am headed down the…
