On my calendar, the appointment was for 8:30 AM today. My appointments have been every two weeks since the summer. I even scribbled it on the card from the last appointment the new date before leaving his office two weeks ago. So why is someone else in with my therapist, and I am waiting another…
Category: self care
A little slack in the chain
It’s not a lot to ask for, just a little space. Yes, I still want to be a part of your life. And yes, I care about you. But I need my space, too. It sounds selfish when I say it out loud. Even thinking I must sometimes say no is not in my DNA….
Today I am thinking about the quality of life
In Smart Recovery, the 4-Point Program includes #4, Living a balanced life. As I recover from and learn how to live with depression, I am seeing what a balanced life looks like for me. And I know there is work to do to achieve it. I have written many blog posts about understanding that it…
Everybody wants me, but do I want myself?
This seems to be the question of the day. What do others see in me that I am not seeing in myself? Why does my mind gravitate to all the things I could a, shoulda, would a done, and dismiss or minimize the good, dare I say, great things I have accomplished? When I begin…
What a week, and it’s only Tuesday
I know I should be thankful. I am alive, I am in good health, and my depression is not pushing me up against the wall. But boy do I feel rushed. Or maybe it’s a sense of urgency to get things done. It could be I am making a big deal out of what I…
When will the fun start?
I know I should be happy to be alive. Just getting out of bed each morning is an accomplishment. When you think about how life manifests itself, most life just is. Look at lichens and moss. They have hung around for billions of years in pretty much the same state as we see them today….
Testing 1,2,3. Checking in to see if I am OK
Sometimes, I just need to check in with myself. Well, ever since I acknowledged that I have had depression for the past 43 years, I have felt the need to check in with myself, to see what is going on. My goal is to keep depression out in the open, where I can keep an…
Can I tell you the truth?
Today, I don’t feel like writing. However, I feel I need to write. This is how I am working out my relationship with depression. Through these blog posts, I am creating a balanced life for myself. So, on a day where I do not feel like writing, I also feel guilt. Why shouldn’t I just…
Where is the proof that “I am not enough?”
Why do I feel “I am NOT enough?” All I need is one more certification and then I can really be effective in my side business. Once I achieve my goal of going to the gym 5 times a week,, then life will be fine. When I have X number of dollars a month coming…
Today I am thinking about who I am writing for
What a pompous ass I have been. The reason I started blogging was an attempt on my part to figure out some order in the chaos brought on by my depression. With 43+ years of practice concealing it, saying I have depression is a new idea. And then working on the sneaky ways it invents…
