Some days I need to remind myself that I have depression. But most days, I know that depression and I have a lifelong connection. As I move further away from my time in the hospital, I am beginning to feel guilty for being alive. The better things are going in my life, the more I feel guilty. After all there are many people in much worse shape than I ever was, even as I … [Read more...] about The Real Truth About Depression and My Survivors Guilt
Suicide & Self-Harm
17 months ago, I walked into the emergency room and sought professional medical help for depression. As I continue my work to live a balanced life with depression, my perspective is changing. Leading up to my diagnosis of major depressive disorder, with suicidal tendencies, my perspective was measured in days, probably in hours or even minutes. Planning was not possible. My … [Read more...] about How long is that in “depression years?”
I’m not 100% sure I would be alive if I hadn’t found these powerful organizations. When I was admitted to the hospital last spring, I was seeing zero hope. Nothing. I was up against the wall, smashed as tightly as possible and I could not see anything. There was an empty place in my heart where hope had been, but it was not there that day. Heck, I hadn’t seen hope in … [Read more...] about How I Use Mental Health Programs to Avoid Circling the Drain
I have been afraid to write about this subject. While people who have suicidal ideation will get it, the vast majority of people do not understand this or are afraid to talk about it. For 43+ years, I was afraid of getting anywhere near the subject. It turns out, I have a major depressive disorder, with suicidal ideation. My suicidal thoughts are not an everyday … [Read more...] about “Those Thoughts,” Are They My Suicidal Ideation?
With my first anniversary of my hospitalization for MDD, I count the mental health tools I now have as my anniversary presents. Now I am speaking about the tools I use to deal with my Major Depressive Disorder, not the tools I use to change the oil in my truck. These tools and coping skills have provided me with the hope that I am able to live a balanced life with … [Read more...] about COVID-19 is Not the Present I Had Expected