Before I began learning about how depression works, all I knew were my spectacular crashes. As I thought back on my life, I could clearly see four major episodes that my depression exacerbated. These were times where I was circling the drain, was up against the wall, and could not see any way forward. To an outsider, I can only imagine how that must have looked. But for … [Read more...] about My Depression Operates in The Smallest Spaces
Time Travel
The 10 Things I Just Cannot Do, Part II*
*Update December 7, 2021 As I reread my list, I can see where I have made progress and where I still need to work. The reality is I will always need to work on at least one of the 10 unhelpful thinking styles. Living with depression means first acknowledging that I have it. And then quickly I say, “I have depression, depression does not have me.” And most days now, this … [Read more...] about The 10 Things I Just Cannot Do, Part II*
Singing to Music As I Drive Gives Me Too Much Time to Think
I imagine the artists would be flattered to hear I get lost in their music. And in and of itself, that is not a bad thing. But what I have found happening in the past few weeks is a song triggers a memory. The memory is often pleasant, but many times it’s painful. I try to ignore most of these thoughts by singing along. But the memory crowds in and begins to block out … [Read more...] about Singing to Music As I Drive Gives Me Too Much Time to Think
My Psychiatrist Asked Me, “When Is Enough, Enough”?
Last night I had a virtual therapy appointment. I remember my therapist had asked a question and I was responding. It was my side of the story I was relating. Not just the facts or my feelings about it, but I was defending my actions. My decision and why I made it was a source of pride I suppose. My therapist stopped me and said, “I hear rationalization.” He had caught … [Read more...] about My Psychiatrist Asked Me, “When Is Enough, Enough”?
My Depression Is Sneaking Around With It’s Unhelpful Thinking
I am not circling the drain and the abyss is not on my radar. My daily routine is not a struggle. As I go through my day, I am aware of the most unhelpful thinking that I come up with. In fact, many of the ten unhelpful thinking styles that I learned about, I have not used in months. This includes all or nothing thinking. This has been my go-to attitude when things felt … [Read more...] about My Depression Is Sneaking Around With It’s Unhelpful Thinking