It is 52 degrees outside as the sun works to warm the morning. The landscape is shrouded in fog, with only hints of Parker mountain in the distance. From my vantage point on the front porch, I can hear the beating of bird wings as they come and go from the feeders. And there are a pair of squirrels working the grass around the feeder pole, munching on the sunflower seeds … [Read more...] about An Authentic Self-Care Morning, As Even the Wildlife, Seem Thankful
Guilt and Shame
Not facing my depression was a direct slap in the face to Self-Care. I have written extensively about my struggle with self-care. Finding the balance between “just say no,” and the needs of others can be confusing. Self-care starts with the premise that you must put your oxygen mask on before helping others. I get that, but my generation was not brought up automatically … [Read more...] about Never Again Will You Not Face Your Depression
Predictable, steady, expectable, certain, sure, unsurprising, humdrum, obvious, and foreseeable. That is my life. And that has been my life for several months. I guess it is always something. And depression has clouded my life with generous helpings of unhelpful thinking. A year ago, I was fixated on not being able to get started in the morning. It took five months of … [Read more...] about What Depression Doesn’t Want You To Know About Unhelpful Thinking Styles
Then just pay me a compliment. My mind immediately goes to everything I have ever done that didn’t measure up. I cannot hear the “good job” because my head is filled with “You don’t deserve this,” or “it’s only a matter of time before people figure out I am a fraud or imposter.” With all that in my head, I cannot hear “good job.” Now I have been working on this. I … [Read more...] about Want to get me feeling like I don’t deserve something?
Some days I need to remind myself that I have depression. But most days, I know that depression and I have a lifelong connection. As I move further away from my time in the hospital, I am beginning to feel guilty for being alive. The better things are going in my life, the more I feel guilty. After all there are many people in much worse shape than I ever was, even as I … [Read more...] about The Real Truth About Depression and My Survivors Guilt