On my calendar, the appointment was for 8:30 AM today. My appointments have been every two weeks since the summer. I even scribbled it on the card from the last appointment the new date before leaving his office two weeks ago. So why is someone else in with my therapist, and I am waiting another…
Category: SMART – Self Management And Recovery Training
Today I am thinking about the quality of life
In Smart Recovery, the 4-Point Program includes #4, Living a balanced life. As I recover from and learn how to live with depression, I am seeing what a balanced life looks like for me. And I know there is work to do to achieve it. I have written many blog posts about understanding that it…
Everybody wants me, but do I want myself?
This seems to be the question of the day. What do others see in me that I am not seeing in myself? Why does my mind gravitate to all the things I could a, shoulda, would a done, and dismiss or minimize the good, dare I say, great things I have accomplished? When I begin…
What a week, and it’s only Tuesday
I know I should be thankful. I am alive, I am in good health, and my depression is not pushing me up against the wall. But boy do I feel rushed. Or maybe it’s a sense of urgency to get things done. It could be I am making a big deal out of what I…
When will the fun start?
I know I should be happy to be alive. Just getting out of bed each morning is an accomplishment. When you think about how life manifests itself, most life just is. Look at lichens and moss. They have hung around for billions of years in pretty much the same state as we see them today….
Testing 1,2,3. Checking in to see if I am OK
Sometimes, I just need to check in with myself. Well, ever since I acknowledged that I have had depression for the past 43 years, I have felt the need to check in with myself, to see what is going on. My goal is to keep depression out in the open, where I can keep an…
Where is the proof that “I am not enough?”
Why do I feel “I am NOT enough?” All I need is one more certification and then I can really be effective in my side business. Once I achieve my goal of going to the gym 5 times a week,, then life will be fine. When I have X number of dollars a month coming…
I’m spinning a lot of plates today
Who doesn’t get caught up in things occasionally? I am not bemoaning being busy. I chose that over retirement. Well, I chose busy over feeling anxious. Busy over wallowing in the depths of depression, busy instead of not being here at all. When I think of it that way, I have no room to bitch…
Coach Depression sent in the play, why can’t I execute it?
While I have never been an NFL Quarterback, I am a smart, intelligent person who has accomplished many things in my lifetime. Yet I am also the person who has major depressive disorder and spent 43+ years doing everything in my power NOT to face it, NOT to acknowledge that I had it, NOT to…
I’m feeling partly cloudy this morning. Is there a storm ahead?
It’s not all or nothing. Feeling a little dull this morning doesn’t mean the end of the world s coming. In fact, just getting up has helped with the cloudiness. And then pouring a mug of black coffee and heading out to the front porch has helped, too. Maybe my cloudiness is related to the…
