My blog is giving me a chance to share my day-to-day thoughts. My intentions, my struggles, and triumphs as I learn to live with and learn more about depression.
Some of you want to know more about me. On these pages, I will share my back-story.
Even I am curious about how I got to this point. My hope is that I can be completely honest. I see many benefits from this.
I have lied to myself about depression for all my adult life.
Masking it, concealing it, never saying its name. This avoidance has created episodes that have led me to where I am now. Telling my complete story is a way to set that right for me.
Telling my story may help others see this before they hit the wall, too.
While in the hospital, I read Meditation for the fidgety skeptic, by ABC News Anchor Dan Harris. The author suffered a panic attack on air and was diagnosed with depression. His journey forward is shared, in part, on the pages of his book. This was incredibly helpful to me. Just knowing that there are other people who have had major depression, survived, and thrived, gives me hope.
I can think of four major events in my life where depression and I have fought.
And in three of the four, I was able to beat back depression without having to admit I had it. Or even tell others I had it. But all of this is from the vantage point of time. I am not sure what people saw or how they remember those episodes.
Now I am facing depression a fourth time. But this time, I choose to fight. I choose to call it by name, depression, and to say, “I have depression, depression does not have me.”
The truth is I do not only have depression when I can’t see the way forward. I have depression when things are going great. This has been lost on me in the past.
There is no turning back. Depression is not my boss.
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