Can I just be myself today?

Is that so hard?

I am still having the waking up issue. It seems I have walked all around the edges of this. But I have not faced it or asked the right questions.

I still wonder, is this related to my change in medication? Having the courage, conviction, self-advocacy determination to get the answer isn’t enough.

Depression has got me doing the deer in headlights.

Heck, I know I need to call my Psychiatrist. I can tell you, there is probably a correlation between my mood change and the upping of my Prozac from 20 to 40 mg. daily. But I am not a doctor and I do not play one on TV. So, I am deferring my diagnosis to the professionals.

READ MORE: Is it possible to be recovered, rather than in recovery?

But then I am procrastinating, minimizing my feelings about the medication and maximizing the anxiety I am feeling about calling my Psychiatrist.

Why am I, with all information to the contrary, mind-reading and deciding that my Psychiatrist is too busy for something as small as my mental health? Heck, I am just a smudge on the windshield of life when it comes to the big picture. Now, suddenly, I am circling the drain and using several unhelpful thinking styles.

READ MORE: Up against the wall – 10 unhelpful thinking styles

I just want to be myself today.

My Concealed Depression is written under the pseudonym “Depression is not my boss.” I have certifications in SMART Recovery and am a Global Career Development Facilitator.

Join me or if you find them helpful, please share my thoughts with those you care about, as I explore my life with depression.