Today I am thinking I can work again.
Not that I haven’t been, but the pace and intensity I feel just ratcheted up a notch. This is only the second day since I was in the hospital for depression that I have felt like I could really get back into my business.
The crazy thing is I am not reinventing the wheel. Everything I outlined to start doing again in my business this morning is ideas I have worked on before. The difference this morning is I am also thinking about other points of view.
Is what I am thinking about doing in my business accurate? What other alternatives do I have? Is this a knee-jerk reaction to spending weeks not being able to work at my best?
Is re-focusing on my business the best course of action?
Will it drain my energy, or can I find ways to build up my reserves of positive feelings? I’m even thinking about who I can talk to about this to validate or refute my plan. That is way different than being up against the wall.
It feels like I am using the tools I have been given. It feels like I am beginning to build a structure that will help me make better decisions in the future. It feels like I have a path forward.
Can I create a structure for my days that will be satisfying? Or am I setting myself up for more problems? Is this a trap, or is it a real plan? Just being able to think about all the possibilities of what might occur is freeing.
Before I would maximize my idea, and minimize any idea that did not support my single, depression guided, idea. Being new to this approach, I am not sure if I am doing this right, but I do know I am doing it.
I need to know more first.
Knowing that I am thinking through my options, I do not want to jump headfirst into this. I do have time to make sure this is a real plan, not just a depression induced set-up for future failure. I know I will have to face my depression daily, recognize what it wants to do, and make conscious decisions to keep it from taking over.
Now that I have said “I have depression, depression does not have me,” my focus had changed. I am working on this from a “rest of my life” standpoint, not just a “get this over with” focus. I can see that my denial strategy has never worked. It was at best a band-aid, allowing me to kick the can further down the road.
I will use the week ahead to learn more. I will focus on both sides of this idea and the possibility that something else may be important to consider. My soft target will be a week from Monday to have gathered enough information to make an informed decision.
This already feels better than “I’ve got to do this specific thing, no matter what.” And I am excited to see where it leads.
Please share your comments. Anyone see something I am missing?
