After 15 months of sowing, I am beyond doubt getting to reap some benefits.
Depression is no longer the unknown figure lurking in the wings, trying to lure me with candy and peanuts. There are many tools I use daily to understand the sneaky, devious ways depression exploits situations to entice me to follow its ideas.
Just yesterday, depression was attempting to insist I question my self-worth.
READ: I’m still breaking up with depression
I was looking at my day job annual review. Even knowing I have things I can work on, seeing anything negative was a trigger and depression didn’t miss the cue.
Depression immediately got me focusing on one small part of the picture, leaving all evidence to the contrary as too minuscule to bother with. It turns out I was overinflating the importance of one portion of the picture, at the expense of a huge volume of evidence to the contrary. I found myself minimizing this body of evidence.
Today, I ask better questions about the picture depression has me painting.
I even had the courage to solicit a trusted support person for their advice. This helped confirm that with depression’s help, I was taking positive testimony and refuting it, making it into something it isn’t. Seeing this allowed me to change my attitude towards the situation. Thankfully, I once again became confident in my abilities and am ready to face the new challenge.
Unhelpful thinking has been one of the go-to tools depression uses on me.
Many times, I have had self-esteem issues fueled by all or nothing thinking. The bad news is, in the past, these feelings of inadequacy could last for weeks or months. The incredibly good news is, now I am catching this sooner. Worst case, it will be days. But in the past few months, I find I am sometimes catching them as they come out of my mouth.
Knowing depression is there, ready to send me unhelpful thinking keeps me on the lookout.
READ: Depression introduced me to unhelpful thinking styles
I understand that depression will toss in the pride card, too, suggesting I can figure things out without asking for help. Depression loves secrets. However, I am onto this and all of my depressions schemes these days. And I am ready to act. It is my personal duty to act. It is my mission now.
I accept this assignment as a tangible way to lead a balanced life with depression.
My concealed depression is written under the alias “Depression is not my boss.” I have certifications in SMART Recovery and am a Global Career Development Facilitator.
Diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder last year, I am sharing what I learn.
If you know someone who might benefit from reading this, please share.
I very much appreciate your comments. I learn from them and respond to everyone.
