• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • Mental Health Resources
    • Depression Resources
  • Blog
    • Coping
    • Medication
    • Self Care
    • Stress and Anxiety
    • Unhelpful thinking
      • Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda
      • Fortune-Telling
      • Guilt and Shame
      • Time Travel
    • Sleep Issues
    • Depression
    • Covid19
    • Suicide & Self-Harm
    • Wellness Tools
      • SMART – Self Management And Recovery Training
      • WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan)
      • Change Triangle
  • Contact

YOUR HOME FOR MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS

Mosaic 728x90

With Depression – 7 Reasons Average is Electrifying

July 22, 2020 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

You know your life has changed when average is thrilling.

Going five days in a row being average is breathtaking. It has been several years since this has happened. Lately, I have been waking up and then getting up. The internal fight I would have with myself is gone. All the drama I would create around getting out of bed has disappeared.

What is left is ME.

I wish I could take all the credit for this transformation. The Oscar goes to my Peer Advocate, and my new Psychiatric team. Together, they thought outside of my limited box and entertained a wide variety of options. Together, we brainstormed these and arrived at a consensus.

READ: What is depression and why do I have it?

From there, I took the new medicine as prescribed.

As I enter my seventh week, more and more days are average. And I cannot be more pleased. I have seen the abyss. I have circled the drain many times in the past 43 years. And I have been in the abyss. Each time, the depths are deeper, steeper, and murkier. There is no light and the way forward is impossible to determine.

“Gloom, despair, and agony on me.” (Thanks Hee Haw)

Average is such a relief after being up against the wall. And I am not saying I was being close, or near or at the wall. I am talking about slam up against it, where the wall and I become one. And seeing any way forward is impossible. In those moments, I felt there were only two choices. End it or figure a way out so I could hide what was left and get back to acting normal.

For over 43 years, I hid depression and did not recognize that I had a third choice.

READ: Those Thoughts – Are They My Suicidal Ideation?

Seeking professional medical advice about these episodes of drain circling and abyss visiting, hadn’t been on my radar. But I will say that at times, I looked for other alternatives. I self-medicated with pot 40 years ago. But soon after getting married, babies took the place of pot.

Eight or so years ago, I began taking over the counter SAM-E.

This helped my mood, but my out of pocket was over $30 a month. Now that seems very inexpensive compared to the financial and emotional costs of being in the hospital. Eventually, I even went through my medical plan and was prescribed 20 mg of Prozac. My co-pay was $3 a month, one tenth of what I was investing in my self-created program.

Getting back to today, depression has not been happy about my progress.

Depression always want me to be unstable, unbalanced, and secretive. And yet, for five days in a row, depression has not been able to inject unhelpful thinking into my head. The insert switch has been turned off and depression cannot find a reset button. I know depression is angry and is working behind the scenes to develop a better plan to get me back to the “dark side.” (sorry about the quotes!)

Here are my seven reasons why Average is Electrifying:

  1. I am living a balanced life with depression.  Average is a big part of staying on track. Avoiding the excessive highs and the debilitating lows make my life more predictable and enjoyable.
  2. Having a single “bad day” doesn’t frighten me. For months, having even just a few bad hours would get me thinking about circling the drain and wondering if I was teetering on the edge of the abyss. Now I can see that a bad day is just a bad day. It doesn’t need to signal the collapse of my entire world.
  3. My world is less stressful. The daily ups and downs are a part of what all humans experience and I am getting to participate in that without looking over my shoulder to see if there is something more ominous behind the daily problems. I catastrophize much less than before.
  4. Self-care has become a bigger part of my day. At first, I was railing against the term. Self-care sounded so selfish. Not feeling secure n my own worth, the only way I could show my worth to the world, I felt, was to sacrifice myself for others. Now, I remember that putting on your own oxygen mask before helping others increases my ability to help others, without sacrificing myself. When I don’t do this, we both suffer.
  5. Self-advocating for myself resulted in medicine that is effective. I spent many months in a morning funk, not able to focus or get motivated. For six months, I wrestled with myself about getting out of bed. Negotiating, pleading, compromising, I would feel guilty about whatever decision I would make about getting out of bed. Then I had to endure hours of fog and lack of focus. I DO NOT MISS THAT AT ALL.
  6. My life is more normal, more like I remember it, pre-depression. Now I am making lists, getting things done, and procrastinating much less often. My days are filled with the present, not the past or the future. I do not time travel as often.
  7. I am living a balanced life with depression. That has been my goal for over a year. Having a balanced life is moving my recovery to another level. And I couldn’t be more grateful and thankful. I am alive and I am living. SMART Recovery and WRAP, along with On Our Own have played a major role in providing me the tools I am using to lead a balanced life. I am eternally in their debt for giving me tools to save myself and move forward confidently.

Now I recognize that I must remain vigilant.

 I am still pushing the rock up the hill every day. The tools I have learned are making my daily life better, but there is still much to learn. And without sounding mushy, “there will be a time to sow and a time to reap.” I get that.

But today, I celebrate five days of average, five days of living a balanced life with depression.

My concealed depression is written under the alias “Depression is not my boss.” I have certifications in SMART Recovery and am a Global Career Development Facilitator.

Diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder last year, I am sharing what I learn. If you know someone who might benefit from reading this, please share. 

I very much appreciate your comments.

Filed Under: Featured Home, Medication, Self Care, Sleep Issues, SMART - Self Management And Recovery Training, Some days I feel like myself, therapy, Unhelpful thinking Tagged With: concealed depression, depression, depression and anxiety, depression is not my boss, depression treatment, depressionisreal, High-functioning depression, my concealed depression, On Our Own, SMART Recovery, wellness recovery action plan, Wrap Plan, WRAP Plus

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

I write My Concealed Depression to create Mental Health AwarenessHello, I am Joel. I struggle with Major Depressive Disorder. I share my story so others can see hope, even when circling the drain.

My certifications include SMART Recovery and I am a Global Career Development Facilitator.

Join our mailing list

We're giving away our 38 Page Mental Health Tools Flipbook

Privacy Policy

Discover Self-Care, Coping Strategies, Understand Anxiety, Track your Triggers, Mood, and Sleep; Recap Therapy Sessions, and more. Subscribe and Get Your Free Copy In Your Confirmation Email.

//www.myconcealeddepression.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/my-concealed-depression-intro.mp4
  • Email
  • Facebook

More to See

The startling truth about coping statements for anxiety and depression

The Startling Truth About Coping Statements For Anxiety and Depression

October 28, 2020 By Depression Is Not My Boss

Benefits of Journaling that improve my mental health and give me coping statements

6 Astonishing Benefits of Journaling for Mental Health

January 5, 2021 By Depression Is Not My Boss

Positive coping statements help me reduce negative self talk that can lead to mental health issues

Now You Too Can Use Coping Statements to Minimize Mental Health Conditions

December 26, 2020 By Depression Is Not My Boss

Advertising Helps Fund My Blog

PureFormulas.com-Pure Healthy Goodness, Highest-Grade Natural Supplements! Fast, Free Shipping!
Your Page Title

Footer

Contact

Email:  my.concealed.depression@gmail.com

  • Email
  • Facebook

Privacy Policy

Recent

  • Over the next year, what 3 improvements would you like to make in your life?
  • 6 Astonishing Benefits of Journaling for Mental Health
  • Now You Too Can Use Coping Statements to Minimize Mental Health Conditions
  • Now’s the Time for a Doctor’s Appointment
  • No-nonsense Holiday Mental Health Awareness Tips to Overcome Triggers

Search

© Copyright 2020 · My Concealed Depression · All Rights Reserved · Designed by The Marketing Momma