• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • Mental Health Resources
    • Depression Resources
  • Blog
    • Coping
    • Medication
    • Self Care
    • Stress and Anxiety
    • Unhelpful thinking
      • Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda
      • Fortune-Telling
      • Guilt and Shame
      • Time Travel
    • Sleep Issues
    • Depression
    • Covid19
    • Suicide & Self-Harm
    • Wellness Tools
      • SMART – Self Management And Recovery Training
      • WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan)
      • Change Triangle
  • Contact

“I Suffer From Depression.” Here’s What I Am Doing About It.

234x60 brand logo
You are here: Home / Featured Home / What You See May Not Be What You Get

What You See May Not Be What You Get

August 13, 2020 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

What you see with depression is not what you always get

I see eyes and a mouth ready to eat me if I get too close.

That’s what I see as I sit in my therapist’s office waiting for my appointment. Maybe I watched too many cartoons as a child. I see the raised couch cushion forming an upper lip, while the frame underneath becomes the bottom of the mouth. And the tops of the sofa arms, become eyes.

But if I go over, all I will find is another place to sit.

I am surprised that I am back in my therapist’s office. Calling her office and making a new appointment was hard. Hard does not do it justice. I have been avoiding making an appointment for several months. Not because I feel I do not need talk therapy, but because depression was feeding me reasons why not going was better.

Depression loves it when I do not have anyone to talk to.

Depression will fill the void and inject all kinds of unhelpful thinking. It is the master of deceit and will share ideas with me that have no basis in truth. But that never stops depression from presenting those ideas in a way that makes them look legitimate. Depression presents or mentions these ideas like it is doing me a favor.

Having phone therapy sessions was a waste of time, depression told me because my therapist was working a crossword puzzle while I was talking on the phone.

Of course, that wasn’t true. And my therapist had a good laugh when I told her what I was thinking. As the pandemic continues, she has opened her office for those who prefer in person meetings. We both wore masks and were seated at a socially distant six plus feet. She did not take my temperature, but I would have passed.

I gave away several months of therapy because I saw the mouth, instead of the sofa.

Here’s where I could easily go into coulda, woulda, shoulda. But did I really waste those months, or was I working on other issues? Certainly, continuing my therapy session would have been helpful, but what did happen in that time frame was my medication was changed.

READ: I promise not to should on myself today

This has given me a new lease on life, being able to get up in the morning.

So much mental anguish and negotiating with myself about whether to or how to get out of bed. Having a new Psychiatrist look at my medication and offer alternatives gave me back my mornings. I was seeing the mouth ready to consume me if I arose. It never dawned on me that it was just a sofa. I knew for sure something was not right, but I assumed it must be me.

I couldn’t see what was really going on because it was really going on with me.

So, I am back in weekly therapy. The session is in person, masked, at a social distance. Yesterday’s session gave me many new insights. I had made a list to catch up my therapist and was able to share my feeling about many of the things on the list.

Just before the session ended, she made an observation about my life that I am still thinking about.

I expect once I look at it closer, I will be writing my thoughts and possibly my feelings about this. She suggested a label for my years of behavior.  And when she said it, all I could see was the mouth that was going to consume me. There was no sense that this was just a sofa to sit on.

For today, I am glad that I was able to make the call and get back into therapy.

Filed Under: Facts and myths about mental illness, Featured Home, Medication, Self Care, Sleep Issues, therapy, Unhelpful thinking, What depression has cost me Tagged With: depression, depression is not my boss, depressionisreal, Individual Therapy, therapist, therapy, unhealthy thinking styles, unhelpful thinking styles

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

I write My Concealed Depression to create Mental Health AwarenessHello, I am Joel. I have Major Depressive Disorder. With 40+ years of living with high-functioning depression, I write my blog to find answers. 

I am genuinely determined to figure out my personal relationship with depression. I got carried away searching for answers and earned a  certification in  SMART Recovery. 

Join our mailing list

We're giving away our 38 Page Mental Health Tools Flipbook

Privacy Policy

Discover Self-Care, Coping Strategies, Understand Anxiety, Track your Triggers, Mood, and Sleep; Recap Therapy Sessions, and more. Subscribe and Get Your Free Copy Now.

https://www.myconcealeddepression.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/my-concealed-depression-intro.mp4
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest

More to See

The startling truth about coping statements for anxiety and depression

The Startling Truth About Coping Statements For Anxiety and Depression

October 28, 2020 By Depression Is Not My Boss

My 101 Coping Strategies for Anxiety

My 101 Best Coping Statements For Anxiety and Depression

October 18, 2020 By Depression Is Not My Boss

Self-care this morning is sitting on the porch with a cup of coffeee,

Having Coffee on The Porch and Not Going to The Gym Is My Self-care Today

July 23, 2022 By Depression Is Not My Boss

Depression is not letting professional help stay in my life, or is my depression making me push away professional help?

Why Won’t Depression Let Professional Help In?

July 20, 2022 By Depression Is Not My Boss

You Never Pay More, Yet Clicking These Links And Making a Purchase Helps Fund My Blog

Mosaic 250x250
PureFormulas.com-Pure Healthy Goodness, Highest-Grade Natural Supplements! Fast, Free Shipping!
Blog Meets Brand
Your Page Title

Footer

Contact

Email:  my.concealed.depression@gmail.com

Privacy Policy

Recent

  • Did Depression Make Me Forget?
  • Having Coffee on The Porch and Not Going to The Gym Is My Self-care Today
  • Why Won’t Depression Let Professional Help In?
  • My Attitude Is Being Controlled By Depression
  • I Don’t Have Time for This

Search

© Copyright 2020 · My Concealed Depression · All Rights Reserved · Designed by The Marketing Momma