Today is a day for self-care, there is no time for depression.
My Wellbutrin 150 mg and my body seem to be OK with each other. I am six weeks into the new medicine. It has also been two weeks since I completely stopped the Prozac. The transition has been mostly seamless. But there were two days that had me catastrophizing. I was sure I was headed to the abyss.
But that feeling of dread and the stress of contemplating another trip to the abyss was short-lived.
I am so grateful for and thankful that my doctors were able to develop a plan that is moving me towards a balanced life with depression. After many months of the daily struggle to get out of bed, the past six weeks has been a blessing. Plus, that one to three hours of fogginess after I finally drag myself out of bed is gone. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
READ: I am tired of being tired, Part II
Today, my self-care includes writing.
My depression is with me but has not been in control of me for weeks. Ok, there were those two days that scared the heck out of me, but two out of 42 is a surprisingly good ROI. And if I had really thought about it, I was told the switch is not a straight line. So, my depression took full advantage of those moments, gleefully tossing unhelpful thinking in my direction.
As I write, I am thinking about the other things on my list.
We are monitoring developments further north, and today may be the day we become grandparents for the first time. This shift in titles calls for a celebration. Yet the pandemic requires caution. So, traveling to the hospital to be with my middle son and my daughter-in-law is out if the question. And even once everyone is home, our first meetings will involve Zoom.
There is also some animal rescue going on today.
After the strawberry crop was harvested, I removed the netting we had covered the plants with. This netting increased our yield, but our birds and the occasional squirrel still found ways to sample the berries. After removing some to cover the grapevines, I left the netting in a pile at the bottom of the strawberry garden.
Yesterday evening, we found a four-foot Black Rat Snake tangled in the mesh.
It was very, very tangled. Some of the nettings were able to be removed, but not all. The snake is now in a cat carrier for delivery to an animal rescue hospital in the Valley. They are going to remove the rest of the mesh and then allow us to bring the snake home to release it.
Also, on my self-care list for today is mowing the property.
READ: Why am I fighting my own self-care?
Plus, I need to get into the garden and do some weeding. My spacing seemed adequate when the plants were seeds and seedlings, but now everything is huge. The garden overlaps itself and each vegetable is competing for space. But despite the challenges, we are harvesting major amounts of cucumbers, spaghetti squash, tomatoes, peas, string beans, carrots, and green peppers.
Did I mention the corn is as high as an elephant’s eye?
I began this year’s garden while depression was still dulling the start of my day. As we head into the fall, I plan to add additional space, turning in compost, cow manure, and then planting a fall grass over the garden. This should give the soil a head-start for next year’s garden. But today is about weeding what I’ve got.
Tonight, there is a scheduled Zoom meeting.
I am looking forward to catching up with my oldest son and his fiancée. COVID 19 and the Pandemic postponed the June wedding, so their official title is not yet Mr. and Mrs. Depending on how fast the delivery proceeds, we may be talking about their new title of Aunt and Uncle.
My self-care today includes making time to read more of the book I started.
Much of the morning has been spent on the front porch, enjoying my coffee and the wildlife that is a part of our daily lives. Birds, rabbits, the occasional deer meandering through makes every morning an adventure. Overnight, we had two bears pop up on our camera, checking out the front yard where we hang the feeders. Last night, they did not work over the Bearinator, steel-reinforced, trash can, but they have been known to come on the porch and check it out.
While I am not in a hurry, I am ready to have a little breakfast and get to my day of self-care.
With my depression relegated to the background, I am living a balanced life with my depression and I am thankful.
My concealed depression is written under the alias “Depression is not my boss.” I have certifications in SMART Recovery and am a Global Career Development Facilitator.
Diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder last year, I am sharing what I learn. If you know someone who might benefit from reading this, please share.
I very much appreciate your comments.
