I don’t get it, why am I feeling so average, so run-of-the-mill? From a big picture perspective, things are going great. The job is exciting as I am getting to do a lot of teaching. I’m planning again, not just hoping to make it through the day. My daily to-do list is getting longer, which is something I thrive on. And even as Covid ramps up yet again, I am going to … [Read more...] about I Want To Think I Can, But Depression Has Me Feeling I Cannot
My depression is a classic textbook hopelessness. Not the passing, “oh, I will never pass this exam,” or the “why didn’t I get the job?” While I have had many similar thoughts over my lifetime, these would only last a few days. I would get over it and move on. This feeling of hopelessness, in moderation, is a normal part of life. We all have disappointments and situations we … [Read more...] about What Does Your Depression Look Like? Mine Has Three Feelings.
Doing the drugs, lately, I have been hoping that the "hard to get started in the morning feeling" will go away. I know when that hard to get started in the morning feeling is back, something is amiss. One or two days is not the end of the world. I had one day several weeks ago, but I know I had done quite a bit of work around the property. And the daytime temperature was … [Read more...] about That “Hard to Get Started in the Morning Feeling” is Back – Doing the Drugs Part VII
Asking for professional medical help was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I started writing the morning after I was released from the hospital. In 5 North, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, with suicidal ideation. Feeling up against the wall, seeking professional medical advice was the least hard of the three choices I felt I had. Choice #1 was to … [Read more...] about After Getting Help for Myself, I Can Now Share with Others
You know your life has changed when average is thrilling. Going five days in a row being average is breathtaking. It has been several years since this has happened. Lately, I have been waking up and then getting up. The internal fight I would have with myself is gone. All the drama I would create around getting out of bed has disappeared. What is left is ME. I wish I … [Read more...] about With Depression – 7 Reasons Average is Electrifying