I am not sure where I stand today. This lagging sense of dullness has not passed. It has been there in one form or another for weeks. Let me say right here that it is not that way 100% of the time. I have had some special moments over the holidays that I will treasure….
Tag: wellness recovery action plan
“I know that’s going to leave a mark”
The last year of this decade was overly complicated, frightening and dramatic. It started off in January of 2019 with waking up not being able to breath. It wasn’t that there was no air, it was as if someone had taken the life-giving oxygen out of the air that I was breathing in. I would…
It’s all piling up, I’ve got to get a grip
Here are the clues I’m not on my game. I don’t sleep well. I am back to the waking every hour or so. When I work late and close the building, I am going to bed about 1 AM. I wake at 3, then 4, then 5:30, 6:30, AM or so, and I keep trying…
Have I reached a Plateau? Is it up or down from here?
30 weeks into my life with depression, I have plateaued. I have no clue as to what is next. It could be I am consolidating what I have learned, assessing what is working and then steeling myself for the next leg up. Or, I am nearer to the abyss than I have been in months,…
Are these really early warning signs?
The last few weeks are catching up with me. Between working 7 days in a row, then flying to Chicago, coming back and working another 7 in a row, I am slowing down just a little bit. For example, my legs felt it when we walked the dog yesterday evening. Our property has many hills…
Why did I think that? I thought I was getting better.
Why do I suddenly feel the need to explain myself? I am almost five months out from my hospital stay for depression. That is almost five months of living with depression, of saying the word depression out loud, and keeping depression out in the open where I can see it. As I wrote the sentence…
I cannot get it back
I am so angry this morning. I cannot believe some of the decisions I have made in the past 43 years. It is infuriating to think that I have thrown away different opportunities that would have made significant changes in my life. My plan as I write this is to be mad at depression for…
What do you know, it really is not about me?
I get so caught up in myself. An unhelpful thought pops into my head and the next thing I know, I am off living in the future. I had been concerned about having my work email on my phone. Finding excuses and reasons why I could not get it set up gave me control over…
Maybe the change in barometric pressure has me feeling down
I cannot put my finger on it. Today has been blah. Not overly bad, not overly good, just blah. My to-do list was long. The self-care part for me was to be outside, on the front porch, drinking my coffee, no cell phone, no laptop, just me and nature. That part of the day was…
My new idea in my relationship with depression
Recently, I was up against the wall. 100 or so days ago, I was sure that I had no way forward; I could not even see that there was a way. It was pitch black, or worse, colorless, and my life was emotionless, too. I was going through the motions, not appreciating or enjoying anything….
