I knew living with depression was not going to be a cake walk. There are challenges and setbacks, successes and snags in my recovery. Now I find out that there is response and remission. I know I was thinking of my recovery as remission. How naive is that? Speaking with my Peer Advocate today, I…
Tag: unhelpful thinking styles
Two strikes against me and the day is just getting started
On my calendar, the appointment was for 8:30 AM today. My appointments have been every two weeks since the summer. I even scribbled it on the card from the last appointment the new date before leaving his office two weeks ago. So why is someone else in with my therapist, and I am waiting another…
A little slack in the chain
It’s not a lot to ask for, just a little space. Yes, I still want to be a part of your life. And yes, I care about you. But I need my space, too. It sounds selfish when I say it out loud. Even thinking I must sometimes say no is not in my DNA….
I’m afraid I don’t know what I’m afraid of
One thing is for sure, I am afraid of dying. Even as I was driving to the emergency room this spring, my deepest fear was that I was more terrified of death than I was seeking professional help. And believe me, I was scared shitless about going to the hospital. After all, I was the…
Can I tell you the truth?
Today, I don’t feel like writing. However, I feel I need to write. This is how I am working out my relationship with depression. Through these blog posts, I am creating a balanced life for myself. So, on a day where I do not feel like writing, I also feel guilt. Why shouldn’t I just…
Today I am thinking about who I am writing for
What a pompous ass I have been. The reason I started blogging was an attempt on my part to figure out some order in the chaos brought on by my depression. With 43+ years of practice concealing it, saying I have depression is a new idea. And then working on the sneaky ways it invents…
My closet is finally organized, but don’t ask about my desk
I finally got the closet organized. I am back in my routine. In fact, I have added a step that has been hugely helpful. I now bring all my empty hangers for my shirts into the laundry room. When I take the shirts out of the drier, I immediately hang them up. This has made…
Coach Depression sent in the play, why can’t I execute it?
While I have never been an NFL Quarterback, I am a smart, intelligent person who has accomplished many things in my lifetime. Yet I am also the person who has major depressive disorder and spent 43+ years doing everything in my power NOT to face it, NOT to acknowledge that I had it, NOT to…
Getting help keeping it in the lane
Today I am scattered. There is so much on my mind, I am having trouble slowing things down. Getting to the most important tasks is what I need to focus on. I have a list in my head, which would be easier to manage if I had written it down. But I can’t seem to…
Feeling cloudy may only be seasonal allergies, not a relapse into depression
Boy do I feel silly. Two days ago, I woke up feeling cloudy. My head was not right. I was feeling unfocused and I just couldn’t get going. So, my mind jumps immediately to this must be the work of depression. Something must be going on. I must be relapsing. I am headed down the…
