Suddenly, I am back to thinking about survivor’s guilt. Having survived my hospitalization for Major Depressive Disorder, I am moving forward. Using the tools I discovered over the past 28 months, I am finding myself equipped to address depression’s ideas. And depression still has ideas. It wants me to come out and play. It misses our time together. Depression has had to … [Read more...] about Having Survivor’s Guilt About Depression, Is It OK To Feel OK?
It has been months since it I've had a sucicidal thought. And while I know that I am not circling the drain, it is still a bit unnerving to have a suicidal thought flash in my head. Things have really been going well. I am healthy and am finally beginning to shed some of my Covid pounds. There have been many positive occasions in the past few months. A wedding, a first … [Read more...] about Why Is Depression Having Me Think the S-Word Again?
Today, I am alive and thriving. However, I know that: My two-year journey towards recovery has not been a straight line upward. In fact, shortly after getting out of the hospital, I wasn’t even sure there was a line. Or that there was a path forward. Two years later, it is getting easier to see my future. And I am back to planning future activities. This is … [Read more...] about Two Years Later, My Depression Has Lifted
I admitted that I was feeling good to my Psychiatrist on Wednesday. My 3-month medicine management appointment was first thing in the morning. I was early, as usual, and I caught up on my email using my phone while waiting for my doctor. My Psychiatrist was happy to see me. She told me that when she checked her appointments last night, she was thrilled to see I was her … [Read more...] about Pure Joy With Depression? It Makes Me Feel Good All Over
Some days, there is no fairy tale ending. I wish it weren’t so. But depression and I are locked in a tug of war. Sometimes I can pull harder. And often depression pulls the hardest. Depression and I have been engaged in this tug of war for over 40 years. You would think I would understand the way it works by now. And the more tools I collect to deal with depression, the … [Read more...] about Sensational Ways Depression Sometimes Wins