17 months ago, I walked into the emergency room and sought professional medical help for depression. As I continue my work to live a balanced life with depression, my perspective is changing. Leading up to my diagnosis of major depressive disorder, with suicidal tendencies, my perspective was measured in days, probably in hours or even minutes. Planning was not possible. My … [Read more...] about How long is that in “depression years?”
suicidal thoughts
Many Things Are Going Well, So Why Do I Feel Lackluster and Dull?
Why do I feel lifeless when so many things are good? What is causing this enormous hole in my day to day feelings? The list for today was made yesterday. Many things on the list were crossed off as completed before lunchtime. So what? I just want to feel better. Feeling better is all I want. Not great, spectacular, or even above average. Simply better than I … [Read more...] about Many Things Are Going Well, So Why Do I Feel Lackluster and Dull?
What is Depression and Why Do I Have It?
Beginning my second year with Major Depressive Disorder, I am still not leading a balanced life. Now things are certainly much, much better than they were a year ago. I have hope and can see a way forward. Last year, I was up against the wall and saw NO way forward. It was all abyss. I was way past circling the drain. And yet I got up each day, and concealed my depression, … [Read more...] about What is Depression and Why Do I Have It?
COVID-19 is Not the Present I Had Expected
With my first anniversary of my hospitalization for MDD, I count the mental health tools I now have as my anniversary presents. Now I am speaking about the tools I use to deal with my Major Depressive Disorder, not the tools I use to change the oil in my truck. These tools and coping skills have provided me with the hope that I am able to live a balanced life with … [Read more...] about COVID-19 is Not the Present I Had Expected
People Thought I Was Dead
That is a very sobering thought. Six weeks after getting out of the hospital, I finally contacted my mentor. He had been checking the obituaries. And while I had stayed in touch with another person for over two years, I feel off the grid last summer and stopped responding to her emails. I had the nerve, finally, to reach out today. Here’s what she wrote: I am … [Read more...] about People Thought I Was Dead
