Imagine saying this out loud: “My last bottom was the deepest, darkest, most horrible place I have ever been.” Yet that was me last year. Reading through some of my older writing, I came across this line. It reached out and stunned me. How could I have written that? I had no idea I was…
Tag: SMART Recovery
Recent Raccoons and My Depression
I know my depression recovery is not a straight line. And, in the animal kingdom, some species are more active at certain times of the year. This includes raccoons that I see now on my nightly commute home. Having traveled the same back roads for almost a year, there are certain spots where I expect…
Losing My Pandemic Pounds is Not Easy
For several weeks now, my scale has hovered around 198 lbs. This is 14 lb. above my February weight, and 20+ pounds above my ideal weight. I tell myself that I will easily lose weight when I focus on this. But that has not gotten the pounds off. In fact, several weeks ago I was…
Will I be Ready for My New Psychiatrist?
I promise to tell my new Doctor the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Going into my doctor’s office and putting on my concealed depression face results in me not getting the true help I need. Depression is once again getting me to be secretive. It reminds me that no one understands…
Super Saturday – Maybe I Did Need Some Time Off
I have gotten a myriad of things done today. It is day two of my mini-vacation and I am more relaxed than yesterday. In fact, yesterday I was scattered all over the place. Today, my list and my priorities are more aligned. Having purchased the tomato cages yesterday, putting them around the plants in the…
My 300th Post Sharing My Life with Depression
Funny, I do not see my 300th blog post as a time of celebration. Hitting my 100th and 200th blog posts, I made it into a celebration of life; my life. I was excited to still be alive, to have a better sense of the way forward. With my 100th blog post, I was grateful…
If I Only Had 10 Days to Live
A year ago, my focus was on Major Depressive Disorder. Would I figure it out? Was there life for me going forward? Could I see past the wall that I was up against? Although at that moment, I could not see the big picture, somewhere in my anatomy, I knew I would make it. Remember,…
Inconceivable! A Freeze Warning in Central Virginia in Mid-May
Is that why the unexpected is unexpected? Dealing with this unexpected change in temperature reminds me that life is not straight-forward. Yet here I am figuring out how to get all my geraniums and Boston ferns inside. And the climbing Mandevilla vine is already in a huge planter on the porch with a trellis attached…
Pandemic Closings Aside, My Depression Recovery is Still Open For Business
I am having trouble managing my thoughts and feelings with so many of my resources closed. I’m blaming my lack of motivation on not having face to face meetings. And my recovery feels stalled. In SMART Recovery, I have learned that at the heart of recovery lies their 4-Point Program. My journey has taken me…
What is Depression and Why Do I Have It?
Beginning my second year with Major Depressive Disorder, I am still not leading a balanced life. Now things are certainly much, much better than they were a year ago. I have hope and can see a way forward. Last year, I was up against the wall and saw NO way forward. It was all abyss….
