Depression is happiest when I am keeping secrets. It loves when I sneak around and don’t share what it is telling me. All those crazy plan’s depression has suggested to me over the years involve me keeping them hidden from others. This has included major issues relating to my job. And many minor issues like…
Tag: sleeplesness
Two Days in A Row, Am I Dreaming?
Once again, I woke up and I got up. No drama, no negotiating with myself about whether to get up or stay in bed a little longer. You don’t know how relieved I am to skip the anxiety and worry about something as simple as getting out of bed. Lately, I can either roll over…
What Was I Worried About? My New Psychiatrist Understands Me
Having written about this visit twice before it happened, I guess I was a little concerned about the outcome. But the discussion went very well. As you will see, we made some changes to my medication. But this was after almost an hour of conversation from a socially distant distance, with each of us wearing…
Day Five of My Stay-cation, So Why Can’t I Sleep?
On the first day of vacation, I was in bed and out like a light. This makes sense as I was up early and had worked until midnight. Then I had the hour-plus ride home, and some relaxing with a word game then lights out. For the past two nights, I have been going to…
Will I be Ready for My New Psychiatrist?
I promise to tell my new Doctor the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Going into my doctor’s office and putting on my concealed depression face results in me not getting the true help I need. Depression is once again getting me to be secretive. It reminds me that no one understands…
I Asked My Doctor 6 Questions About My MDD Symptoms
What he told me was life changing. Getting out of bed each morning has been drama. Most days, I launch an internal dialogue with myself, which ends in my feeling guilty about staying in bed. Then at some point, a sound triggers my “fight or flight” response, and I leap out of bed. This scenario…
Not all advice is good advice
Still worrying about getting out of bed in the morning, I did what most people do these days. No, I did not seek out a professional in the field and make an appointment, “that’s so last year.” I picked up my phone and Googled the answer. I found many helpful articles, but I also found…
Guess what? I am just like everyone else
For some reason, I thought I was special. I was sure that certain things only happened to me. My life and experiences are unique, but I was positive that my trials and tribulations were one of a kind, no one had ever lived through what I have lived through. Generally, I think this way in…
There are still doors my keys do not open
The problem is not all or nothing. Although it feels like that when I am stuck, immobile and indecisive. Once the day gets going, I am better equipped to use the tools I have learned to meet and defeat problems as they come my way. Between SMART Recovery, WRAP training, Peer Support at On Our…
If I Am Not in Control, Am I Out of Control?
Two things are on my mind this morning. My ability to get out of bed in the morning and a mysterious charge to my checking account. Sometime after I went to bed last night, I was charged $200 for a “Promo-Kit.” The time was 11:20 PM and I was in bed, asleep. I discovered it…
