Facing my depression, and saying it's name out loud, has been work. Sometimes the work has been exhausting. It has only been easy on rare occasions. Most of the time some effort is required on my part to call out depression’s antics and to work through an alternative that doesn’t involve unhelpful thinking. Yet in the past, time travel worked. I was able to ruminate … [Read more...] about Why Can’t I Just Make It Easy And Stop Facing My Depression?
Today, I don’t feel like writing. However, I feel I need to write. This is how I am working out my relationship with depression. Through these blog posts, I am creating a balanced life for myself. So, on a day where I do not feel like writing, I also feel guilt. Why shouldn’t I just suck it up and write? After all, that is what I said I was going to do. My plan has … [Read more...] about Can I Tell You the Truth?
Keeping depression out in the open requires constant attention. Ignoring it, or worse, assuming I am “over it,” has dire consequences. As I learn to live with depression, I am learning more and more about how it works. I am learning how secretive it wants to be, and how tempting it can be to follow its ideas. Understanding this has helped me see that depression isn’t only … [Read more...] about You Will Never Guess the New Name I Learned For My Depression.
It’s easy to blame others. It’s easy for me to be defensive when someone I love questions my answer. My mind is often three to five steps ahead before the person even gets the entire sentence out of their mouth. I am time traveling and living in the future. It is a competition to get to the correct answer first. I have already mentioned many times that I am … [Read more...] about Why didn’t I know it’s a compass for living?
"Just suck it up, grow a pair, stop acting like a girl." These are all things I have heard hurled at myself and other guys as I was growing up. Society set certain expectations for men and women at the end of the 20th century. My formative years centered around Woodstock, Kent State, and the Vietnam War. It was also influenced by “Father Knows Best” on TV, along with Laugh-in, … [Read more...] about I’m ashamed I have depression. Then I discovered 10 reasons it’s not my fault.