I thought I would be “cured” by now. Seven months after my hospitalization for Major Depressive Disorder, it feels like I should be on top of my game. I have medication helping me, a therapist, a psychiatrist and peer support. In September, I flew to Chicago and spent the weekend learning SMART Recovery at their 25th Annual Conference. I have ordered and have read many … [Read more...] about What’s the point of my life?
It was totally unexpected. I guess I had secretly hoped it would happen but was very guarded in my expectations. It has been five days since my Psychiatrist increased my Prozac from 20 mg to 40 mg daily. My instructions are to let him know in 3 weeks how I am feeling, sooner if there are noticeable side effects. Well, this morning I noticed a welcome side … [Read more...] about I bumped into my old self this morning
It’s not a lot to ask for, just a little space. Yes, I still want to be a part of your life. And yes, I care about you. But I need my space, too. It sounds selfish when I say it out loud. Even thinking I must sometimes say no is not in my DNA. I have been programmed from an early age to say yes. If you ask me to jump, often it is not just yes, but “how high.” That … [Read more...] about A Little Slack in the Chain
We are either moving forward or we are dead. There is no middle ground. Even when we feel nothing is happening, that what we are doing doesn’t matter, life is going on. My personal thoughts about my self-worth and my value, my contributions to society and the greater good, are done against this backdrop. Whether I decide I am valuable just as I am, with all my flaws … [Read more...] about Afraid or not, life still marches forward
Who doesn’t get caught up in things occasionally? I am not bemoaning being busy. I chose that over retirement. Well, I chose busy over feeling anxious. Busy over wallowing in the depths of depression, busy instead of not being here at all. When I think of it that way, I have no room to bitch about anything. Choosing to be alive means plates must be spun. Choices … [Read more...] about I’m spinning a lot of plates today