This tool is immensely powerful, but using it is not easy. Asking questions to challenge unhelpful thinking styles requires a commitment to act. If you do not do the work to think about the questions, your answer will always be unhelpful. I know, I have skirted around unhelpful thinking for years. Even if I thought…
Tag: High-functioning depression
I’m Glad I Did Not Know How Bad I Was
Imagine saying this out loud: “My last bottom was the deepest, darkest, most horrible place I have ever been.” Yet that was me last year. Reading through some of my older writing, I came across this line. It reached out and stunned me. How could I have written that? I had no idea I was…
Why Do I Think in Terms of All or Nothing?
I tell myself I avoid drama, and yet many of my waking hours are spent creating all or nothing situations in my head. I interrupt someone and get a short response. Immediately, my mind goes to the worst possible meaning of that response. They don’t love me. They’re mad at me for something. What did…
Concealed Depression is my day to day life
The most important thing to remember about concealed depression is you will not feel much of anything. But that’s OK. Feelings get in the way and muddy the waters. Facts are easier to deal with and don’t have an agenda. Feelings and emotions can take time to sort out and slow down the process. My…
Every Day I Push the Same Rock Up the Same Hill
Some days it is a pebble and the hill is hardly noticeable. Other days, it is a boulder and the hill is more of a mountain, that ascends almost vertically from the valley floor. During these days, my depression is everything. Concealing it and acting to the world like nothing is wrong takes all my…
Same Stuff, Just A Different Day
Why am I stuck in this loop of sameness? As I begin writing, I realize this is not the first time I have written about this. My mind has been stuck in a painful, unproductive loop before. And how to jump-start a new, more productive loop is where I am now. READ: Will everyday be…
I Am Tired Of Being Tired – Part II
Today has been much like most recent days. Certain topics are not on my radar. I am clunking around in a daze, hoping that the answer to why I am feeling blah will pull me aside and reveal itself to me. Why is life so empty? Why can’t I get it together? Where is the…
Does Wearing a Mask Mean I am Afraid?
It’s not that I don’t think COVID 19 is real. Unlike COVID 19, I spent years concealing my disease, working around it as a person with high-functioning depression. My relationship with depression has been an evolutionary process. As I learn more about how it works, I can see where I have bought into depression madness…
I was Nervous About Switching Therapists
It turns out, my insurance is not covering my former therapy visits. $874 is quite a chunk to swallow when you think that, at worst, you are responsible for a $15 co-pay. I know, it is my responsibility to follow up on my insurance. I sign the papers that say I will be the responsible…
Can I consistently feel better?
I just want to be better than I am now. Not great, magnificent, or even “damn fine”, just better. This whole depression thing is tiring me out. Every day, I am reminded of what I have lost. The things that could have been popping up at the oddest of times, ruining the beginnings of being…
