Photo by Avi Werde on Unsplash I feel guilty for not going to the gym this morning. Checking my app, I can see I have gone 4 out of 5 days this week. And I have been up since 6 AM this morning. When I got up, I had every intention of getting to the gym before preparing for work. I know it’s Saturday, but retail demands a non 9 to 5, Monday to Friday schedule. So, I am … [Read more...] about Having Coffee on The Porch and Not Going to The Gym Is My Self-care Today
guilt and shame
Or as I am surmising, there is no finish line. But for certain activities, or events, there is a conclusion. Then why is it I feel as if it is never ending, and I am always one step from completing the challenge? Days turn into nights. The day ends and the night begins. This is very basic stuff. So why am I having trouble visualizing me crossing the finish line for my own … [Read more...] about Is My Depression Keeping Me from The Finish Line?
Getting stuck in my depression happens a lot. Things on the surface appear to be going well, but underneath the surface, there is a mish-mosh of stuff going on. Oh, the miracle of concealed, high-functioning depression. Of course, the easy way out is to blame my lack of forward momentum on my depression. I can say “If I didn’t have depression, then I would …” But this … [Read more...] about If I Did Not Have Depression, Would I Have Already Written 500 Blog Posts About My Depression? (This is only post #489)
From the 20,000-foot view, I can see patterns. As I move away from the abyss, I reach out to friends, family, and passers-by. I am more comfortable speaking with others and garnering opinions about this or that. I am much more able to seek out others as I work on projects. While not gregarious, I am more open and talkative. But as depression works its magic, I begin … [Read more...] about Why Am I Alone Again While My Depression is Winning?
I have felt guilty for being alive before. When someone I had been to group sessions with took his life, I felt very guilty to still be alive. The shock of his decision was more than I could handle at that moment. So, I jumped to feeling guilty that it was not me. And then there is the shame of not doing something, anything. Not that I could have. While we were in a … [Read more...] about With Depression, I Feel Survivors Guilt for People I Do Not Know