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“I Suffer From Depression.” Here’s What I Am Learning.

End Child Anxiety

guilt and shame

Having Coffee on The Porch and Not Going to The Gym Is My Self-care Today

July 23, 2022 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

Self-care this morning is sitting on the porch with a cup of coffeee,

Photo by Avi Werde on Unsplash I feel guilty for not going to the gym this morning. Checking my app, I can see I have gone 4 out of 5 days this week. And I have been up since 6 AM this morning. When I got up, I had every intention of getting to the gym before preparing for work. I know it’s Saturday, but retail demands a non 9 to 5, Monday to Friday schedule. So, I am … [Read more...] about Having Coffee on The Porch and Not Going to The Gym Is My Self-care Today

Is My Depression Keeping Me from The Finish Line?

July 13, 2022 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

depression is keeping me from my to-do list

Or as I am surmising, there is no finish line. But for certain activities, or events, there is a conclusion. Then why is it I feel as if it is never ending, and I am always one step from completing the challenge? Days turn into nights. The day ends and the night begins. This is very basic stuff. So why am I having trouble visualizing me crossing the finish line for my own … [Read more...] about Is My Depression Keeping Me from The Finish Line?

If I Did Not Have Depression, Would I Have Already Written 500 Blog Posts About My Depression? (This is only post #489)

May 15, 2022 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

If I did not have depression, I would have already written my 500th blog post about depression

Getting stuck in my depression happens a lot. Things on the surface appear to be going well, but underneath the surface, there is a mish-mosh of stuff going on.  Oh, the miracle of concealed, high-functioning depression. Of course, the easy way out is to blame my lack of forward momentum on my depression. I can say “If I didn’t have depression, then I would …” But this … [Read more...] about If I Did Not Have Depression, Would I Have Already Written 500 Blog Posts About My Depression? (This is only post #489)

Why Am I Alone Again While My Depression is Winning?

May 4, 2022 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

Depression has me feeling alone I push away everyone who is helping me including my therapist, peer support and mentors

From the 20,000-foot view, I can see patterns. As I move away from the abyss, I reach out to friends, family, and passers-by.  I am more comfortable speaking with others and garnering opinions about this or that. I am much more able to seek out others as I work on projects. While not gregarious, I am more open and talkative. But as depression works its magic, I begin … [Read more...] about Why Am I Alone Again While My Depression is Winning?

With Depression, I Feel Survivors Guilt for People I Do Not Know

April 22, 2022 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

My depression can give me survivors guilt when I read about someone taking their life. I have been there and know what the feels like.

I have felt guilty for being alive before. When someone I had been to group sessions with took his life, I felt very guilty to still be alive. The shock of his decision was more than I could handle at that moment. So, I jumped to feeling guilty that it was not me. And then there is the shame of not doing something, anything. Not that I could have. While we were in a … [Read more...] about With Depression, I Feel Survivors Guilt for People I Do Not Know

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I write My Concealed Depression to create Mental Health AwarenessHello, I am Joel. I have Major Depressive Disorder.  I am genuinely determined to figure out my personal relationship with depression. With 40+ years of living with concealed depression, I write my blog to find answers. 

I once got so carried away searching for answers that I even earned a  certification in  SMART Recovery. 

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