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“I Suffer From Depression.” Here’s What I Am Doing About It.

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feeling guilty

I’m Feeling Embarrassed and Guilty For Not Being a Better Patient

April 1, 2022 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

I feel bad that I am not a better patient and that I am using depression to keep professional medical help away from me.

I know they are only trying to help. And I want to be helped. Or so I say. But is that true? Am I feeling so guilty and embarrassed about talking to someone about my depression that I am pushing away those who want to help? I did that with two therapists, and now I am close to pushing away my peer advocate. They are professionals who are in my life to help me learn to … [Read more...] about I’m Feeling Embarrassed and Guilty For Not Being a Better Patient

The New Year Brings New Possibilities

January 3, 2022 by Depression Is Not My Boss 2 Comments

How I think about the new year will decide how much time i devote to self-care

How will I think about the new year? Answering this will set the tone for 2022. Accepting things that happen to me is what my depression would love. Its new year’s resolution begins, “I will make sure Joel is circling the drain by the end of 2022. I will make sure Joel remembers that I am the best thing that has happened to him. I resolve to make sure Joel sees that I am his … [Read more...] about The New Year Brings New Possibilities

I Made It Through Another Day and It Was Good

December 28, 2021 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

I made it through another day without depression's unhelpful thinking styles and I am thankful.

It was supposed to be a family dinner for my son and daughter-in-law. It turned out Covid reared its ugly head, and they could not drive down from up north. Now, this did not mean that the family dinner was canceled. It only meant that the Christmas presents for those two would not get opened last night. Dinner was a success. Everyone arrived on time and brought the … [Read more...] about I Made It Through Another Day and It Was Good

My Self-Care is Really a To-Do List, Is That OK?

August 28, 2021 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

my self-care is really a to-do list, is that OK?

Like many who are employed by corporations, my day job includes working five days a week. This leaves two days for bigger, at-home, time-consuming projects. I spent last week's days off power washing the deck. Now this week, I spent my first day off staining parts of that same deck. The lower area is 16' X 32”’. And the upper is 8’ X 32’. And there are stairs from the upper … [Read more...] about My Self-Care is Really a To-Do List, Is That OK?

The Real Truth About Depression and My Survivors Guilt

November 10, 2020 by Depression Is Not My Boss 1 Comment

I feel guilt and shame for surviving depression while others have committed suicide

Some days I need to remind myself that I have depression. But most days, I know that depression and I have a lifelong connection. As I move further away from my time in the hospital, I am beginning to feel guilty for being alive. The better things are going in my life, the more I feel guilty. After all there are many people in much worse shape than I ever was, even as I … [Read more...] about The Real Truth About Depression and My Survivors Guilt

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I write My Concealed Depression to create Mental Health AwarenessHello, I am Joel. I have Major Depressive Disorder. With 40+ years of living with high-functioning depression, I write my blog to find answers. 

I am genuinely determined to figure out my personal relationship with depression. I got carried away searching for answers and earned a  certification in  SMART Recovery. 

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