Some days I need to remind myself that I have depression. But most days, I know that depression and I have a lifelong connection. As I move further away from my time in the hospital, I am beginning to feel guilty for being alive. The better things are going in my life, the more I feel guilty. After all there are many people in much worse shape than I ever was, even as I … [Read more...] about The Real Truth About Depression and My Survivors Guilt
It is Sunday morning, and time for self-care. The sky is overcast, and the air is damp. It is almost chilly this morning. This is a far cry from the past month, where daily temperatures have been in the 90’s and the heat index has topped 100 degrees. Drought conditions where beginning to show themselves. Everything was turning brown and crisp. Even our lake had … [Read more...] about Now I Can Practise Self-care Without Feeling Guilty
If I sit on the porch in the morning and don’t put the bird feeders out right away, the birds land on the empty frame and stare at me, waiting to be fed. Now I understand that I am projecting emotions for them when I tell you they are looking at me and saying, “put the feeders out already.” The birds have been coming to these feeders for four years. They know I bring them in … [Read more...] about Everybody Expects Something of Me, Even the Birds
Just because you called me, I don’t have to pick up the phone. Or why do you assume I will open the letter, just because you thought it was important enough to send? I see the letter you sent me; it is on my desk where I keep all my new correspondence. But receiving it and doing something with it are two different things. Your needs are not the same as my needs. In a … [Read more...] about Why Am I Pulling Back into My Shell?
My dog has a twenty-foot leash we attached to one of the front porch posts. This gives her access to a wide area of grass as we sit on the porch. And it keeps her from heading out over the mountain (which is where she got shot two years ago). She enjoys her time with us as we sit in the sun and watch birds at the feeders. But inevitably, she will wander up onto the porch … [Read more...] about Today I’m Feeling Like “What’s The Point?”