Getting stuck in my depression happens a lot. Things on the surface appear to be going well, but underneath the surface, there is a mish-mosh of stuff going on. Oh, the miracle of concealed, high-functioning depression. Of course, the easy way out is to blame my lack of forward momentum on my depression. I can say “If I didn’t have depression, then I would …” But this … [Read more...] about If I Did Not Have Depression, Would I Have Already Written 500 Blog Posts About My Depression? (This is only post #489)
depression and anxiety
From the 20,000-foot view, I can see patterns. As I move away from the abyss, I reach out to friends, family, and passers-by. I am more comfortable speaking with others and garnering opinions about this or that. I am much more able to seek out others as I work on projects. While not gregarious, I am more open and talkative. But as depression works its magic, I begin … [Read more...] about Why Am I Alone Again While My Depression is Winning?
Of course, it could be me and I’m blaming my ups and down on my depression. This can easily lead to the “which came first, the chicken or the egg?” Am I using depression as an excuse for getting to the edge of long-term success and then sabotaging my success? Or is it depression that creeps in and takes away the success I have earned? I feel like the dog who chased cars … [Read more...] about 3 Ways Depression is Keeping My Continued Success Away
I have felt guilty for being alive before. When someone I had been to group sessions with took his life, I felt very guilty to still be alive. The shock of his decision was more than I could handle at that moment. So, I jumped to feeling guilty that it was not me. And then there is the shame of not doing something, anything. Not that I could have. While we were in a … [Read more...] about With Depression, I Feel Survivors Guilt for People I Do Not Know
I’m spilling out my heart into a word document on my laptop when it closes shop and the paragraphs I have written are lost. OK, so I should be saving as I go. And I should have expected something to happen since the laptop was spending more time buffering than time letting me be productive. I’ve got a big to-do list for today. I don’t have time for my laptop to be a prima … [Read more...] about Can I Smash My Laptop This Morning?