It’s not a lot to ask for, just a little space. Yes, I still want to be a part of your life. And yes, I care about you. But I need my space, too. It sounds selfish when I say it out loud. Even thinking I must sometimes say no is not in my DNA….
Tag: depression and anxiety
Today I am thinking about the quality of life
In Smart Recovery, the 4-Point Program includes #4, Living a balanced life. As I recover from and learn how to live with depression, I am seeing what a balanced life looks like for me. And I know there is work to do to achieve it. I have written many blog posts about understanding that it…
Everybody wants me, but do I want myself?
This seems to be the question of the day. What do others see in me that I am not seeing in myself? Why does my mind gravitate to all the things I could a, shoulda, would a done, and dismiss or minimize the good, dare I say, great things I have accomplished? When I begin…
Today I am thinking about who I am writing for
What a pompous ass I have been. The reason I started blogging was an attempt on my part to figure out some order in the chaos brought on by my depression. With 43+ years of practice concealing it, saying I have depression is a new idea. And then working on the sneaky ways it invents…
Afraid or not, life still marches forward
We are either moving forward or we are dead. There is no middle ground. Even when we feel nothing is happening, that what we are doing doesn’t matter, life is going on. My personal thoughts about my self-worth and my value, my contributions to society and the greater good, are done against this backdrop. Whether…
I’m spinning a lot of plates today
Who doesn’t get caught up in things occasionally? I am not bemoaning being busy. I chose that over retirement. Well, I chose busy over feeling anxious. Busy over wallowing in the depths of depression, busy instead of not being here at all. When I think of it that way, I have no room to bitch…
Getting help keeping it in the lane
Today I am scattered. There is so much on my mind, I am having trouble slowing things down. Getting to the most important tasks is what I need to focus on. I have a list in my head, which would be easier to manage if I had written it down. But I can’t seem to…
Feeling cloudy may only be seasonal allergies, not a relapse into depression
Boy do I feel silly. Two days ago, I woke up feeling cloudy. My head was not right. I was feeling unfocused and I just couldn’t get going. So, my mind jumps immediately to this must be the work of depression. Something must be going on. I must be relapsing. I am headed down the…
What do you mean I’m blaming others?
How could he even say that? That I am blaming my depression for my actions. That I am making excuses for my actions and not being responsible. That’s not even close to what I am thinking. I am a mess today. My therapy session has opened all kinds of feelings, emotions, and who the hell…
I’m feeling partly cloudy this morning. Is there a storm ahead?
It’s not all or nothing. Feeling a little dull this morning doesn’t mean the end of the world s coming. In fact, just getting up has helped with the cloudiness. And then pouring a mug of black coffee and heading out to the front porch has helped, too. Maybe my cloudiness is related to the…
