It seems it is possible to hit your snooze alarm too many times.
And when you do, it stops working. I get that my alarm clock is a man-made device, and it has a life expectancy just like other man-made things.
But this alarm clock and I have been through so much. I bought it because it had two alarms. When I had a more consistent work schedule, I had one set for work and the other for my days off.
The snooze alarm wasn’t a factor in my choice of an alarm clock.
In fact, it has only been in the past year or so, that I have even used it. Until then, my internal alarm clock would go off and I would be up before the alarm. Sleeping in was a decadent luxury that I very seldom allowed myself. Or, if I look at the truth of the matter, when I sleep in, I feel like I am wasting the day.
I feel guilty if I haven’t accomplished two or three things before 8:30 AM.
This should not surprise me because I feel guilty for many things. Things I have done, things I haven’t done, even things others have done that I should have known about. It is easy for me to assume the guilt of others, just by association. This was illustrated recently in an incident concerning our dishwasher.
Now I have a few days off in a row. And I am wasting them, by sleeping in.
I had studied about sleep and thought that an eight-hour sleep is important. And getting home at 10:30 PM or 12:30 AM meant that by the time I got to bed, eight hours later could be 9 AM. I was OK with that idea, understanding my body needs rest. I must provide a time for my batteries to recharge.
But now, I am back to hitting the snooze alarm to the point where it is broken.
I have not been convinced that all of this is in my head. Waking up groggy, my mind hopelessly clouded is a new phenomenon for me. I have been writing about this since November, and now it is April. Coincidentally, this grogginess and trouble getting out of bed coincided with my Psychiatrist and I doubling my Prozac, from 20 mg to 40 mg.
In January, we agreed to drop the dose to 30 mg.
With new insurance, I have a new Psychiatrist. My first appointment is not until the end of June. I need to call and see if I can drop back to 20 mg. I am tromping around, unclear about calling, waiting for my first session, or asking my General Practitioner about the dosage. He helped me initially with continuing my Prozac prescription.
So now I am practicing medicine without a license.
I am not happy with being so tired. I cannot believe it is “just the way it’s going to be.” I am certain that something else can be tried that will give me my mornings back. When I get a new alarm clock, the snooze button will be counting on me to have this figured out. If not, it’s days will be numbered from the first day it sits on my bedside table.
My concealed depression is written under the alias “Depression is not my boss.” I have certifications in SMART Recovery and am a Global Career Development Facilitator.
Last year, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder.If you know someone who might benefit from reading this, please share. And your comments are always appreciated.