Here are the clues I’m not on my game.
I don’t sleep well. I am back to the waking every hour or so. When I work late and close the building, I am going to bed about 1 AM. I wake at 3, then 4, then 5:30, 6:30, AM or so, and I keep trying to get some solid REM sleep before getting out of bed. It isn’t happening.
I am not getting out of bed easily. My therapist suggested a book, The Five Second Rule, which talks about our brain and how we make decisions I haven’t spent 5 seconds deciding whether to read it, but I think I will at some point.
I am anxious for no apparent reason. Knowing I have a task to complete or a meeting or an action I need to take can make me anxious in anticipation of the event, but this general no-specific anxiety is not normal.
My day to day routine is slacking. While I did my laundry and am keeping up with the dishes, my desk is back to Mount Trash more again. Just seeing the pile sets me back and makes it even harder to be productive while sitting at my desk in my home office.
So, to counter these issues, I’m headed back to my WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan).
I want to see what I wrote that I would do when faced with these issues. The steps are very specific, and I know I addressed the different stages I my relapse into and strategies for dealing with them.
Today I am not afraid of relapsing into the abyss and being up against the wall with no discernable way out.
But I am disappointed that my progress towards leading a balanced life has slowed and is not likely to pick up again until after the holidays.
Maybe I just need to relax and give myself a pass for the next three weeks?
Do what I can, take care of myself, and be in the moment for whatever happens. Don’t stress or be anxious about what I cannot control and take advantage of the opportunities I do see.