Two Monday’s in a row I have felt almost normal.
Last week I was at home, making the final enhancements to the workshops I am giving. This Monday, I presented the workshop twice. Once in the morning, and once in the afternoon. Tomorrow I am doing the same thing. A 3-hour morning session, then I will drive to a different venue and repeat it in the afternoon.
To be able to focus on giving the best possible information to those in attendance has made me glad. And in case you didn’t recognize that it is a feeling. If you have been following my progress, you know sharing my feelings has not been a strong suit of mine. So, it also makes me happy to share.
But now the test will begin. Because there are two more days where I need to do exactly what I did today. And unlike last week where things went off the rails late in the afternoon on Monday, I have the confidence that I can do this, that I am good enough.
Last week, the 7 hours of normal seemed almost a dream. No anxiety in my stomach, no waiting for the other shoe to drop. Just me. It was almost supper time when I walked through the living room and something on the TV broke the mood. I think it was a sad movie. Within the hour, “normal me” was gone.
So, you can see why I’m a little nervous about tomorrow. Yet, I can’t help but feel that my concealed depression cloak will help save the day. If I wear the special cape that conceals my depression, I can project a positive, you can do it attitude that I need for these workshops. No one will see behind the mask. The show will go on. (OK, that’s all the clichés I can think of for this example.)
I am in a hotel room away from my support system. I am grateful for my cell phone and the internet. Checking in after today’s events was a chance to share my success. It feels good to have something positive to talk about.
My plan is to go grab a bite to eat, review my program outline and then get to bed. The first stop tomorrow is only 30 minutes away. That means I don’t have to get up in the middle of the night. A good night’s sleep, and then wake with intention.
Check in tomorrow and see how it turns out. Will I pull it off, or spend time doing deep breathing meditation in the restroom?
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