It’s not all or nothing.
Feeling a little dull this morning doesn’t mean the end of the world s coming. In fact, just getting up has helped with the cloudiness.
And then pouring a mug of black coffee and heading out to the front porch has helped, too.
Maybe my cloudiness is related to the fog laying on the ground this morning.
It is cool, almost cold, and the air is very moist. The wooden rocking chairs on the front porch are covered in dew, even though the porch is covered. The fog has climbed onto the porch and has saturated everything it touches.
Before sitting down, I went back inside and got a towel.
To tell the truth, I got the towel after I started to sit on the rocker and discovered how wet it was. Using the under side of the towel, I am sitting on that to avoid getting any wetter. Using tools is a trait very few species have. I am happy to take advantage of that skill. It makes sitting on the porch more comfortable this morning.
Refilling my coffee, I notice the fog is getting thicker.
I can hear geese honking. They are somewhere close, but cloud hidden. As they get closer, their honks fill the air. Suddenly, they appear in the air above the house and disappear just as quickly back into fog. Their course makes the lake their intended target.
As I sip my second cup of coffee, my head is clearing somewhat.
But my gut is telling me something is off track. I am not sure exactly what’s going on but feeling a little dull is not normal. This feeling has come and gone several times over the past few days. If it persists, I will call my doctor.
And why would not feeling 100% cause my mind to go to pending disaster?
Depression is still pulling the all or nothing card. And this unhelpful thinking gets in the way of my recovery. It makes me question what I am doing. Am I focusing my energy in the right areas? Do I really need to think about my future?
Pulling out my SMART recovery toolbox and my WRAP plan, I see that I have many options.
My recovery is up to me. I can let depression keep pushing me towards the abyss, or I can focus on what is helping me lead a more balanced life. The choice is mine. I will choose something from my list of self-care activities and do that before continuing my day. Or, I will do it as a part of my day.
Including self-care is just as important as brushing my teeth, and toothbrushes are another tool human have invented. We are a very intelligent species. This gives us the ability to invent tools to make out lived easier, safer, and gives us more free time.
The other side of this intelligence can be over thinking.
Well for me, I can easily over think a situation. This can lead me to answer yes, no, or maybe to the same question. How jacked up is that? Talk about something that will make your mind cloudy.
My plan of action then is to choose a self-care activity and monitor my cloudiness the rest of the day. If I do not feel I am making progress, I will call my doctor.
What do you do when your mind is not clear?