I thought with the new year, things would change.
My attitude towards getting out of bed in the morning has not been moved by the beginning of a new decade. While not quite as dramatic as going from 1999 to the year 2,000, a new decade, to me, is a chance to reevaluate my life and my attitude towards it.
To that end, I have made one New Year’s resolution so far, to write in my gratitude journal every day.
Having made this decision yesterday, I am supposed to start that this morning. But what did I do? I stayed in bed longer than I had planned. Then I made coffee, brought in an armful of firewood and got the wood stove started. This took the chill off the living room. And then I spent some time in my office.
What I don’t understand is the relationship between procrastination and depression.
Am I finding it hard to do things, such as getting out of bed, because I have depression, or am I just procrastinating and not wanting to get up? Either way, something is going on and I need to understand what it is.
Today, I am going to a Peer Support meeting, followed by a visit with my Peer Advocate.
I plan to bring this subject up in the group and one on one. Next week, I have a therapist appointment and I will air my thoughts about it with him, too. This is not a random, I need a day of rest, type of feeling. This has been a month long, or maybe longer, daily grind to get motivated to get out of bed.
It has been a month-long struggle to get out of bed and begin the day.
I set alarms and I hit snooze over and over. I wake up in the middle of the night and reset my wake-up time for later, justifying it by saying to myself, “I will probably wake up earlier anyway and I will just get up.” Yet when the time comes, I do not get up. At least, not without an internal struggle with myself.
This whole mees is very draining and does not make me feel very good about myself.
I will write about what I find out. But for now, I’m going to get a shower and see if that wakes me up.