It is easy to see how even I can view depression as a scam people perpetrate on themselves and others.
Break your leg, it is obvious. Toothache? We all know it’s time to go to the dentist. No energy for months at a time, forcing yourself to do what you must to get through the day? Just get it together.
I’ve heard it all over the years.
We don’t choose to be depressed. It can affect various things in your life such as relationships, work and education. We don’t choose to have a low mood all the time and find everything an effort. Depression is out of our control we can’t do anything to stop it from happening to us. We aren’t weak because we have depression.
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Not knowing how depressed I was at times; I blamed my lack of enthusiasm for life on just about anything or anyone. It seemed like there was more to it, but I didn’t even know how to think about it. Let alone get professional help.
Now, I did try the standard things like having a physical, getting blood work done, etc. But that wasn’t what was going on. And I would carefully avoid (automatically, without thinking) any questions about my mood or the underlying reasons behind my lack of energy or enthusiasm for life.
The emotional issue I concealed.
Even from myself. After all, I am the poster child for a “sense of urgency,” get it done now, “I love getting up in the morning because I learn something new.” And while all that is true, it comes at a price.
The amount of energy I expend to keep up my façade of happiness takes its toll. And before I understood depression and how it acts on our minds and how it acts on our bodies, I did not put the two together.
My attitude towards depression and any mental illness has turned 100%. Now I get it.
I still feel guilty that I have depression and feel guilty that I am not more. It is hard to be the authentic me and to just accept and value myself for that. But I am not giving up. I am a work in progress.
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