I thought with the new year, things would change. My attitude towards getting out of bed in the morning has not been moved by the beginning of a new decade. While not quite as dramatic as going from 1999 to the year 2,000, a new decade, to me, is a chance to reevaluate my life…
Category: What depression has cost me
“I know that’s going to leave a mark”
The last year of this decade was overly complicated, frightening and dramatic. It started off in January of 2019 with waking up not being able to breath. It wasn’t that there was no air, it was as if someone had taken the life-giving oxygen out of the air that I was breathing in. I would…
Depression isn’t a choice
It is easy to see how even I can view depression as a scam people perpetrate on themselves and others. Break your leg, it is obvious. Toothache? We all know it’s time to go to the dentist. No energy for months at a time, forcing yourself to do what you must to get through the…
It doesn’t feel like “7 more shopping days” until Christmas
This year, getting in the holiday spirit is not automatic. Traditionally, I have been all over the holidays. The traditions, getting together with family, getting out decorations has been enjoyable. When the kids were smaller, they helped fuel the excitement of the season. Christmas is on autopilot, and I am going through the motions. There…
Surviving Depression and thriving as I write my 200th blog post
I’m still alive and able to make choices about my life! Approaching my 200th blog post, I went back and read some of my earlier posts. Boy, I was really a mess. In some ways I still am. Here’s part of what I wrote on my 100th blog post: That first morning, I was told…
Guess what happened when I changed my attitude?
The past week or so has been a series of crappy, frustrating events. Or that is how I took them. My positive attitude checked out and left my “woe is me” attitude to do all the work. This is never good. I gave away my control of situations and circumstances and allowed them to batter…
Today I wish I were sad
That would be a step up from where I am right now. The harder I work on my recovery, the further behind I feel. Now part of this may be the time of year. I know about S.A.D. and what happens when you do not get enough sunlight. This could certainly be a factor in…
I didn’t think I would be digging an animal grave today
This isn’t the first animal I have buried. But it is the first since my acknowledgement of depression. This new perspective on life makes the process very personal. I feel so bad for my family. And having lived with the cat for several years, the sadness at our loss is overwhelming. Kidney failure is a…
Doing the Drugs; Part II
Today my Psychiatrist upped my Prozac to 40mg daily. This is double the 20 mg I have been taking since the end of April. Thinking about how this came to be, I am sad, mad and glad that it happened. Taking medication, along with therapy seems like a straight-forward process. You see a doctor, get…
I can’t believe I lied to my Psychiatrist
Well, maybe I just did not tell him everything. That sounds a lot better. Yet, in the end, I wasn’t honest about how I was doing. My years of practice hiding and concealing my depression kicked in when I went in to see him last week. It had been three months since I first saw…
