It is easy to live in the future. No one to bother you, everything is exactly as you imagine it and the grass is greener on your side of the fence. But I am finding out that living in the future has its costs. It is not free. And the price I am paying may…
Category: What depression has cost me
101 ideal activities for my new life with depression
As I make progress and hash out some of the underlying issues that have caused my depression to intensify at different times in my life, I am beginning to see the value of visualizing my new future. I asked for professional medical attention 5 months ago because I has lost my focus. I could NOT…
I cannot get it back
I am so angry this morning. I cannot believe some of the decisions I have made in the past 43 years. It is infuriating to think that I have thrown away different opportunities that would have made significant changes in my life. My plan as I write this is to be mad at depression for…
I want to say thank you for yesterday.
Focusing on the one thing I could control, I decided to look at my attitude towards the weekend. On Friday, I had decided to understand how I needed to think if I was going to relax and enjoy the day. It was clear that I normally would be stressed out about not doing things I…
With your encouragement, I have written 100 blog posts
That translates into over 83,000 words about my journey with depression. And the journey is just getting started. Journaling has been one of my self-care activities. Writing about what I am feeling and thinking has been a way for me to work through my depression and “get in touch with my feelings.” This is still…
Is this really how I am seen?
Here are quotes I wrote down from my recent therapy session that included my key supporters. Their observations and view of me include: “Inconsistency of saying one thing and doing another” “Actions build untrust” “Doesn’t have a consistent story” “It’s hard for me to find firm ground to stand on, too trust” Whether or not…
You should be careful what you wish for
Depression told me I would love early retirement. My plan for the past 30 years was to work until I was 70 ½, before retiring. Full social security benefits, a chance to add some extra cushion to my 401K and staying involved with day to day life outside of the house. This all seemed good…
The windshield is bigger than the rearview mirror for a reason
In one of the sessions I attended recently, someone said that. Their personal life’s story was one of focusing on the present, and to some extent the future, with very little time spent on the past. I thought this was a great way to live. There are so many ways of saying this, but when…
I think I should. I think I shouldn’t.
What is it about making a decision? I have done my homework. I have filled out the worksheets. I have spoken to my supporters, my therapist and my family. And I am still not sure what I should do. And I haven’t even been offered the job yet. Just because the interview went well, doesn’t…
What do my days look like?
After 52 blog posts, I’m having a “moment.” Until this morning, I have been overflowing with things to write about. When I pull out the laptop and sit down in a chair on the front porch, the words have just poured out of me. Well today, they are colliding. I can’t make sense of any…
