Canceled implies something was going to happen, but now it is not. For example, “school is canceled because of heavy snow.” This is clear. School was going to take place, but now it will not because of the snow. Small towns all over the country have canceled Memorial Day. No parade, no floats, and not…
Category: What depression has cost me
I Asked My Doctor 6 Questions About My MDD Symptoms
What he told me was life changing. Getting out of bed each morning has been drama. Most days, I launch an internal dialogue with myself, which ends in my feeling guilty about staying in bed. Then at some point, a sound triggers my “fight or flight” response, and I leap out of bed. This scenario…
Pandemic Closings Aside, My Depression Recovery is Still Open For Business
I am having trouble managing my thoughts and feelings with so many of my resources closed. I’m blaming my lack of motivation on not having face to face meetings. And my recovery feels stalled. In SMART Recovery, I have learned that at the heart of recovery lies their 4-Point Program. My journey has taken me…
What is Depression and Why Do I Have It?
Beginning my second year with Major Depressive Disorder, I am still not leading a balanced life. Now things are certainly much, much better than they were a year ago. I have hope and can see a way forward. Last year, I was up against the wall and saw NO way forward. It was all abyss….
Did I Miss My Anniversary?
No, I did not miss my wedding anniversary. I know that date and will be forever grateful for it. As we approach 40 years of marriage, there is so much to be thankful for. But that is not for a few more months. We have marked this occasion together every year since our first. But…
I’ve Worn Out My Snooze Alarm
It seems it is possible to hit your snooze alarm too many times. And when you do, it stops working. I get that my alarm clock is a man-made device, and it has a life expectancy just like other man-made things. But this alarm clock and I have been through so much. I bought it…
I’m Doing What I Can Right Now
Yet, I have the feeling I should be doing more. Not a healthy feeling, but a feeling none the less. There are a couple of tax items I need to put together. I spoke to my account and confirmed the extended deadlines, which is helpful this year. Even during my deep depression last year, I…
What Are We Searching For in This Pandemic?
Mental health resources, suicide hotlines? If you need help now, call a 24-hour crisis center at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) for free, private help or dial 911. These are unnerving times. I know that the past few months have transformed my thinking about what is normal. Things I take for granted are now not available. All the local…
If I’m OK, Why am I Gaining Weight?
I do not have COVID 19, but I do have MDD. My relationship with depression is much more defined than it was a year ago. Just before I went into the hospital, I was so stressed that I was having trouble eating. My weight dropped appreciably, and I had to force myself to eat anything…
Depression and I Are on a First-Name Basis
It’s a disease after all. It can’t exactly be the enemy, because it is a part of me. Trying to understand how to frame my relationship with depression has been complicated. Not only is it a disease, but it is also a mental health issue. That makes it nowhere near as straight forward as cancer….
