I know they are only trying to help. And I want to be helped. Or so I say. But is that true? Am I feeling so guilty and embarrassed about talking to someone about my depression that I am pushing away those who want to help? I did that with two therapists, and now I am close to pushing away my peer advocate. They are professionals who are in my life to help me learn to … [Read more...] about I’m Feeling Embarrassed and Guilty For Not Being a Better Patient
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It’s Not Covid, So Why Do I Feel So Bad?
My daughter helped me perform a self-test for the Covid-19 antigens yesterday afternoon. The manufacturer is so on top of things, they have pictured step by step directions in Spanish and English. Or you can scan a QR code, download their app, and it walks you through the test. Their app even sets a 15-minute timer so you can view the results at the proper time, Each … [Read more...] about It’s Not Covid, So Why Do I Feel So Bad?
The Day Has Just Begun, Why Does Depression Think I’m Finished?
It could be a slight case of jet lag, or the fact that yesterday I worked a much later shift than normal. Or it may be a combination of the two. Either way, I am not feeling very productive this morning. That is the real culprit. It is not the fact that I am plodding along this morning. Feeling bad about plodding along is what’s going on. I am allowing myself to feel … [Read more...] about The Day Has Just Begun, Why Does Depression Think I’m Finished?
It’s Not Depression Today, It’s Just Severe Weather.
Rain had been in the forecast for a few days now. It started in the middle of the night, and it has been raining hard off and on ever since. As the cloudsthickened and the first light peeked over the horizon, Parker Mountain disappeared into the fog. Thishappens from time to time, as storms fill the small valley. Trying to write on my laptop this morning is more … [Read more...] about It’s Not Depression Today, It’s Just Severe Weather.
Why Can’t I Just Make It Easy And Stop Facing My Depression?
Facing my depression, and saying it's name out loud, has been work. Sometimes the work has been exhausting. It has only been easy on rare occasions. Most of the time some effort is required on my part to call out depression’s antics and to work through an alternative that doesn’t involve unhelpful thinking. Yet in the past, time travel worked. I was able to ruminate … [Read more...] about Why Can’t I Just Make It Easy And Stop Facing My Depression?