I have felt guilty for being alive before. When someone I had been to group sessions with took his life, I felt very guilty to still be alive. The shock of his decision was more than I could handle at that moment. So, I jumped to feeling guilty that it was not me. And then there is the shame of not doing something, anything. Not that I could have. While we were in a … [Read more...] about With Depression, I Feel Survivors Guilt for People I Do Not Know
Facts and myths about mental illness
I’m spilling out my heart into a word document on my laptop when it closes shop and the paragraphs I have written are lost. OK, so I should be saving as I go. And I should have expected something to happen since the laptop was spending more time buffering than time letting me be productive. I’ve got a big to-do list for today. I don’t have time for my laptop to be a prima … [Read more...] about Can I Smash My Laptop This Morning?
I haven’t spoken to my peer support contact in over 2 weeks. In fact, I have been ignoring her calls, letting them go to voice mail. It’s not that I do not want to talk to her. She has been one of my most ardent supporters for the past three years. Her observations have helped me understand my medication choices. And she has given me the confidence to speak up for … [Read more...] about Depression Won’t Let Me Make the Call
You would think I would stop thinking that this time will be different. After three years and over a dozen changes in my medication to address my Major Depressive Disorder, I am still shocked my body doesn’t adapt instantly. My psychiatrist even reminded me last Tuesday, that there was going to be a week or so where my body would be adjusting to the new dose. Yet here I … [Read more...] about It Happens Every Time My Depression Medication Is Adjusted
Making changes in my attitude towards events should be easy. The power goes out at the house. I can cry about it, saying things like, “well that’s just great, now I cannot work on the computer.” Or, I can say, “power out? No problem, because I have the generator on the porch and I can run the refrigerator, a light, the TV, and the internet. And by running the plugs a certain … [Read more...] about Is It Really Just Me Changing My Attitude?