And Just Like That, it is Gone!

Auto-recovery is an urban legend.

Well, at least for me today it is. Having finished a page and a half of my latest blog post, I pissed off my laptop somehow and Word closed.

Historically, when I re-open Word, there is a list of auto-recovery documents on the left side of the screen. From there, I can re-open doc2 or doc8 and then save it to prevent future problems.

Well, that did not happen this morning.

I cannot find it anywhere. I even got out the “Microsoft® Office 2016 All-In-One for Dummies” to help research where my blog post ended up. Having checked every box, it is becoming clear I cannot find the post. It may still be in the bowels of my computer, but I have neither the time nor patience to continue the search.

I will write more about what I was writing about tomorrow.

Right now, I am upset with myself for assuming everything would be ok and that I had taken enough precautions so that I wouldn’t lose my work. Going forward, I have gone into Word, Options, and changed the auto-save time to 5 minutes instead of 10. But this isn’t going to bring back the almost two pages I had written.

A year ago, as I approached the abyss living life with concealed depression, I thought I had all the pieces in place and protections arranged. After all, I was exercising five times and week and reading a lot. Boy was I wrong. I had no idea how low, low could be. And the resulting “hitting of the wall,” was a wake-up call I will always remember.

Now at the time of my reaching the depths of the abyss, depression did not let me see any path forward.

READ MORE: Up against the wall

All I saw was the wall. Solid, immovable, impenetrable, imposing, and to my weary eyes, permanent. Then, as I was introduced to tools for recovery, I slowly began to see that there was a way forward. Realizing, and finally facing depression, I found myself beginning to put the pieces in place that would be my new life with depression.

My goal now is to lead a balanced life.

And when I lose 45 minutes’ worth of work that I cannot replace, I could be angry. I could blame technology or my laptop, or the dog coming and going that may have distracted me. But I know it was something I did, and I accept the responsibility for it. And right now, there is no way I see to retrieve it. So, I cannot change what has happened.

But I can and will change my attitude towards the loss of my work.

I already have taken steps to prevent this from occurring in the future. And I will create a title for each new blog post at the time I begin writing, so the odds of me being able to retrieve the work will be increased. The future will be filled with the unexpected. I will be ready to decide how I will respond and feel about it.

READ MORE: Is this a new trigger signaling a relapse or am I just messy?

Covid19 or Corona Virus is an example of the unexpected.

The blog post that I lost was my examination of my depression against the onset of the Virus. I had begun to draw parallels linking my personal journey with the journey we are all on now.

After I finish adjusting my attitude towards losing my work, I will focus on this issue again.

Tune in next time and I see if I can remember what I was writing.

My concealed depression is written under the alias “Depression is not my boss.” I have certifications in SMART Recovery and am a Global Career Development Facilitator.

Last year, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder.