I was loaned a copy of “I don’t want to talk about it.” It was written by Terrence Real. I have read more than half of the book now. And I am drawn like a moth to the flame. I am getting burned, but I can’t stop reading. I feel like the book is telling…
Month: May 2019
Did you know I have guns?
Well, right now I don’t. What I have is an indentation in the carpet in my closet where the gun safe was. I have an empty space on my shelf in the closet where the canvas bag of ammo was. All thats left is a cloth bag with a turkey call in it and a…
I double-check before swallowing
Why do I look twice? What is it about my daily Prozac that has me checking and then checking again? First, I take the plastic prescription bottle and read it. I verify that it is the Prozac, 20 mg. I read the entire label, which gives the generic name, then it says “generic for Prozac.”…
Why can’t I open this letter?
It came two days ago. And I have still not opened it. When I took the letter out of the mailbox, the handwriting looked familiar. After that, I noticed no return address. I was thinking, what is this all about? Did I fill out a rebate form or something? Why does this look so familiar?…
I killed a painted turtle
The riding lawnmower was over the turtle before I realized what was happening. Our property is on a lake. We discovered several years ago that turtles will leave the water and crawl 100 yards or more, through the trees and bushes, to dig a hole in our yard and bury their eggs. Last year, as…
Could I have been someone else?
“I coulda been a contender.” That’s how I am feeling today. Concealing my depression from myself has cost me in ways I am just beginning to understand. The choices I have made, the paths taken and not taken, can be linked back to depression. Not that I am using that as an excuse. I accept…
Memories are making me teary eyed
This week, I am finding myself choking up over memories from my younger days. This is a new phenomenon. I am not sure what is causing it. I have always looked back to old memories with a fondness. This feeling is more like finality. On my way back from last week’s workshops, my travels took…
Why am I sleepless again?
This whole sleeping thing has kept me up at night. It’s not clear exactly when my sleep became disrupted, but I am nowhere near close to getting a full night’s sleep. And it has been almost a year. The night goes something like this: 10 PM – head to bed and play a few games…
How do I tell people I have depression? Or should I?
I have been struggling with how to share what my life has been like for the past four weeks. There are friends, relatives, and business associates that I want to tell. My dilemma is how to tell them, how much to tell them when to tell them. Is my need to tell them a way…
Why am I labeling myself?
This is not what I do. I have made a conscious effort, day after day, week after week, month after month not to call myself names. I have used positive self-talk and steered clear of labeling myself in any way that isn’t positive and helpful. So why in the past 24 hours have I caught…
