You won’t believe what the depression has put in my head. “I will never fly in an airplane again.” “I will never go camping.” “I will never have a healthy relationship with myself or with others.” Depression makes it easy to think all or nothing. In the hospital, never and always were my words of choice. This was what got me there in the first place. But five almost six … [Read more...] about Can I tell you what I am thinking?
grief
Is normalcy my new normal?
I don’t want to jinx it. As I build my life with the depression, I know the path is not straight. Yet for most of this past week, I have felt human. I have felt almost in control. I have felt a lot like me. That is exciting and frightening at the same time. I know that in the past I have had days, months, even years without any visible signs of depression. There have been day … [Read more...] about Is normalcy my new normal?
You Won’t Believe what I Wrote to Myself
“I am writing because you are enough.” This is the first line of the card I wrote to myself when I was in the hospital. I wrote this to myself over a month ago. The pastor who provided the cards mailed it four weeks later. I waited four days after getting the card before opening it. When I first took the envelope out of the mailbox, I did not even remember writing the … [Read more...] about You Won’t Believe what I Wrote to Myself
It’s so depressing. Why am I still reading it?
I was loaned a copy of “I don’t want to talk about it.” It was written by Terrence Real. I have read more than half of the book now. And I am drawn like a moth to the flame. I am getting burned, but I can’t stop reading. I feel like the book is telling me that there is a lot of pain I need to face to feel better. I'm reading that those who have never felt their own … [Read more...] about It’s so depressing. Why am I still reading it?
Why Do I Double-Check Before Swallowing?
Why do I look twice? What is it about my daily Prozac that has me checking and then checking again? First, I take the plastic prescription bottle and read it. I verify that it is the Prozac, 20 mg. I read the entire label, which gives the generic name, then it says “generic for Prozac.” Once I am sure it is the correct medicine, I open the container. It should be obvious … [Read more...] about Why Do I Double-Check Before Swallowing?